20 Jan, 2022

#185 How to Build Supreme Confidence in 2022


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“There is no growth without challenge. There is no growth without the process.” – Pete Cohen

Confidence. Being bold. It requires courage. Hyping yourself up to take on challenges, opportunities. But are you ready to rebel against yourself? Are you ready to embrace oppositions and work on how to overcome them?

In this episode, listen to how you can build supreme confidence and how important knowing who you are can make all the difference in your journey towards who you want to become.


Confidence is learning to trust yourself by doing what you say you want to do.

If you decide to do something in your life, you should be prepared for the opposition coming from yourself.

You are not alone. There are a lot of people that would like to work on being better versions of themselves. You just need to find a community that will support you.

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This reveals;

  • ​Why most people never build true long-lasting confidence and never get to live a happy, healthy life
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About Pete Cohen:

Pete Cohen is one of the world’s leading life coaches and keynote speakers. Hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world have been motivated and inspired by Pete’s presentations. He has professionally impacted the lives of thousands of people worldwide, including business executives, professional athletes, and everyday people.  Pete focuses on the importance of closing the gap in our lives between where we are and where we want to be, both personally and professionally.

It’s then all about coaching you to remove the obstacles that are in your way and helping you install the habits of success.

Pete is the author of 19 published books, several of which have been best-sellers across the world, including Shut the Duck Up, Habit Busting, Life DIY, and Sort Your Life Out. He has also presented his own show on TV called The Coach and was the resident Life Coach on GMTV for 12 years. His new book Inspirators – Leading The Way In Leadership is available for free here –


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Pete Cohen 0:00
Happy beautiful day. It is Pete Cohen here and welcome to the Mi365 podcast I almost said welcome to the pleasure dome. It is a dome a dome of pleasure, the Mi365 podcast today we're talking about How to Build Supreme Confidence in 2022. I'll see you after the theme tune

Pete Cohen 0:57
Happy beautiful day. Welcome to the Mi365 podcast. Welcome to the pleasure dome

Pete Cohen 1:12
I don't know how many of you remember this song Frankie Goes to Hollywood

Pete Cohen 1:26
so today we're talking about how to build a supreme confidence

Unknown Speaker 1:37
the question is,

Pete Cohen 1:38
are you ready?

Pete Cohen 1:45
I'm ready. But I suppose the ultimately if this is what you want to do, you've got to understand something if you want to build something. There's going to be opposition to that. It's like you've got two tribes. One wants you to go in one direction. And one wants you to stay where you are as you go into battle with yourself

Pete Cohen 2:17
it's the opposing forces. This is another song by Frankie Goes to Hollywood to try because ultimately, if you do want to achieve something right, you're gonna have to rebel. You're gonna have to rebel against yourself when I say you have to and if I don't know you and I'm not talking to every single person in the world. I'm just talking from my own personal experience and I really do find it fascinating but actually, when we look at the group, Frankie Goes to Hollywood boy did they set the cat amongst the pigeons. This song was banned. The video was banned as it had Ronald Reagan fighting in a ring against what was the name of the Russian Prime Minister president and then this song was banned as well remember this song?

Pete Cohen 3:29
I suppose that's one of the reasons I liked Frankie Goes to Hollywood because they weren't playing the game in the way that everyone else was. They chose to be rebellious. It was probably all very well crafted out by the makers of Frankie Goes to Hollywood it was you know they were like their I said puppeteers to people that had a bigger idea of what can be done and they cause disruption. And I think disruption is really needed in order for people to look at things differently. You know, you think about how much disruption you've had in your life, things that have just erupted and you didn't maybe expect them to happen and through that disruption. You went through something that maybe was very difficult and through going through that experience. You look at your life differently to how you looked at it before. And that's the goal. Everything that we do with my 365 has always been about giving people a different perspective of something rather than me telling you what to do, because you know, there's a rebel in you, right? So if I told you what to do the two tribes the other tribe would go I'm not doing that I'm rebelling against everything you say and do you know who likes to tidy? That room immediately? Yes, I'll go and tidy my room. Now there's always opposition, right? If you decide to do something, if you decide to be something, get ready for the opposition. Get ready for the opposing force, the yin and the yang. If something decides to grow, it's going to go up against opposition and ultimately, you know, in talking about confidence, I suppose it's it's important to, to think about well, what is confidence and I'll tell you this, from my perspective, is whether you call it a fear of failure, performance, anxiety or self doubt, lack of confidence in all amounts to the same thing. How much have you missed out on in your life? How many opportunities if you let slip through your fingers? How many of you put your hopes and dreams and ambitions on hold? Because, you know, whether you call it fear of failure, performance, anxiety, self doubt, lack of confidence because of that. And if that's the case, then just you know, remember that the fact of the matter is you know, you you're definitely not alone, you know, you're definitely not alone. There's no question about it. There's so many people that have had it, but it's first off acknowledging the fact that you're not alone.

Pete Cohen 5:41
Yes, you know the song. But you know what, this time you're not alone and I'm with you, right. And with you right here right now, the question you have to ask yourself is no, but

Pete Cohen 5:57
the question is, are you ready to go to a place that you've not gone before? Because human beings are incredibly predictable, right? And we have to be predictable? Because otherwise we'd forget what we're doing and then we'd wait Who knows where we'd been? But you don't have to be who you've been. Right? You don't have to be who you've been. So to understand. First of all, you're not alone, right? You understand that? You're not alone. You're not the first person and you're not the last person who's let self doubt fear of failure, performance anxiety, get in their way. The question is, I have to ask the question again, Pete, you're being very repetitive. Yeah. Because sometimes you've got to keep asking the question, you know, come on, everyone. Let's turn our lights on our phones and swing them up in the air, not swing, sway.

Pete Cohen 6:49
When we look at what confidence is, I think if you look at what the word means, it comes from the Latin word confidence, which means intense trust, learning to trust yourself. Right? That's what it that's what it means. I mean, ultimately, what it means is what it means to you. If you just look at where the word came from, it came from trust and human beings. I don't know how many times you've trusted people, but sometimes it's probably not a good idea to trust people. What's the point when people let themselves down all the time? If they let themselves let people be who they are. What about you? And this is the fascinating thing about trust is learning to trust yourself if you really want to build supreme confidence as obvious as this sounds because I'm only going to say a few things here. That if you really take a bit of time to think and reflect on what I'm saying it could change the course of your life. Because confidence really is your ability to do what you say you're going to do. That that's how you build confidence. And then what we do with people is help people get into the habit get into the process of building something over time, you know, anything that is great, it didn't happen overnight, right? An overnight success takes 10 years doesn't have to take 10 years but human beings have this incredible habit of saying they're going to do something like we talked about this. We've done podcasts on this procrastination, procrastinate to put forwards and we know there are three elements of procrastinating don't we? The first one is you have an intention to do something. You have an intention to get fit, you have an intention to build your business. You have an intention to be better with your wife or your spouse or your children. You have an intention. But then there are certain things you know that if you do it, you're going to get a result. But then the second part of procrastinating is you have this voluntary delay. You say no, I'll just do that. I'll do that later. And you know, then the third element is just the knowing the knowing that if you by not doing that, you've kind of left a gap you've let yourself down. And I think human beings often find a reason to continue to feel that feeling. They will voluntarily they almost want that as an excuse. And I'm not saying that applies to everybody to excuse themselves from moving forwards. That'd be fun. It wouldn't if you start going up to people and say excuse me, I'm just going to put everything off I'm putting myself often growing. Okay, so good. You know, one of the things we encourage people to do, we're going to be encouraging this more and more people to go public to say, Okay, this is me, this is this is what I'm going to do and this is how I'm going to do it and tell people about it. So you go public, but imagine doing the opposite, telling people Hey guys, I'm going to put weight on I'm going to get more and more unhealthy and I'm going to potentially become more and more unhappy, okay. Just want everyone to support me in that. And you'll probably find people go well, but that's what they'll do anyway, because chances are where you'll be next year will be in a very similar place to where you are now because you're predictable. That's what we are. We're very predictable. We think the same thoughts we do the same things we challenge with challenge by letting go of who we think we are. And I asked you if you want to build supreme confidence learn to do a few simple things because confidence I believe there's two types of confidence there's confidence in your ability to do what I said, which is your ability to do what you say you're going to do. That's the first thing. But the second type which is massive, which is confidence, and if you do this, if you do whatever that thing is knowing that your future will be better than where you are right now.

Pete Cohen 10:08
And this is this is the game and this is where we want to start helping more and more people get into the process to the point where you want results in the future but it's kind of almost an anti climax when you get there because you know that you it was the process that got you there, and you want to get back into the process. And if you're that sort of person, you're probably going to need a few things right? You're going to need this is what we call identity capital, right? It's identifying with who you can be, and then recognizing that the process is investing into that identity and you bringing that you into the world. And it's the evidence, look at the evidence, look at what I'm doing. And of course, one of the most competent thing any human being will ever do is to do something when you know I don't feel particularly like doing that. But you know what, I'm going to do it classic example for me personally. Yesterday, you know, we're we're in the process of moving house and I'm starting to clear stuff up and at to go through a whole load of stuff. That was my parents again, my both my parents aren't here. All of these pictures are these picture frames. I mean, my mum and dad, my dad, were quite hoarders, and I had to go through all of this stuff and put things away and take things a dad things I didn't really want to look at, and then go to the charity shop then go to the dump, as well as being up really early in the morning because I get up every day. So there were no pauses in the day yesterday for me, but I don't really feel sorry for me. I'm fine. But at the end of the day, I was just exhausted, just absolutely exhausted. So you know, I woke up this morning and I was still tired did I feel like getting up? No, not really. I almost almost at that point. But you know, like when 54321 Let's go. I thought of my perfect avatars James and Richard Jaitley Believe it or not, I thought what would they do? I just got up. I came downstairs and I exercise. Did I feel like exercise? No, of course I didn't. But do I feel better for having done it? Yeah, you bet. God, I feel so much better because I did something that I really didn't feel like doing. Now of course, if I was physically exhausted, that might not have been the best thing to do. But you know, I know myself. I've got to know myself. I've got to know who I am. I've got to know what I'm about. What about you? So let's just quickly recap when we're talking about confidence. Confidence is learning to trust yourself. The best way to learn to trust yourself is start to do what you say you're going to do regardless of how you feel most of the time and the confidence if if I do this, then I know my life will progress. Other key elements of supreme confidence is being in an environment that supports you. Definitely people that support you and go hey, you know what, I've got your back. You know what Congratulations, well done for doing that. You're amazing. It's it's maintaining a high performance state as best as you can. You know, it really really really is about celebrating celebrating everything that you do when you do it. singing Hallelujah

Pete Cohen 13:10
Imagine getting off your exercise bike or having gone for a week and all of a sudden you've got 100 gospel singers singing Hallelujah to you. As you get happy if you start to build something, building a better you

Pete Cohen 13:29
what is the purpose of life without getting better? Growing advancing Are you ready? Let's dance come on

Pete Cohen 14:08
so ultimately it all comes down to choice. And there's a couple more things I want to mention on this. Look. It's very hard for people to become anything more than they are if they don't identify with who that is. We talk about this a lot. Look Simon Sinek when I first watched his why, you know, here's the power of y. I was amazed. I thought that's so that's so true. And organizations and companies like Apple, that's what they figured out. They figured out what their y is, you know, and their y now has made them billions because people tap into their y and you might have a y and fantastic if you've got a y but I will tell you so what if that y isn't attached to a who? Because what got you here, it's not going to get you there. You know, I work with all of these golfers and it's become a lot more apparent to me. I started working with him 15 years ago. I did it for five years. I stopped, came back 11 years later started working with them. And now I have a lot more clarity about what does it take because I'm better. I've learned more. I'm more advanced. I'm more humble. I still want to learn, but it's obvious. If they don't want to reinvent themselves. They will just keep repeating who they think they are and who they think now. Will I believe we'll never get them to where they could actually become because in order for them to become greater golfers they have got to learn to diffuse. This is the key. You know, if you really think about what life is life is growth. That's the first thing it is growth. That's what it is right now there is growth everywhere. Everything is growing. You're growing, but the weird thing is you're growing and ultimately it's all going to go one way. How much do you want to grow? How much do you want to get better and confidently growing every single day? And then realizing that the challenge of being a human being is thinking but we all think which is one of our greatest assets. But it's also one of our biggest challenges. Because there are thoughts and the people different people have different ideas about what thoughts are where they come from, but ultimately, someone could tell you, but I think it's a really good thing to figure out you for yourself. I think that there are thoughts out there and a lot of those thoughts just come to us. And if we don't watch those thoughts, those thoughts turn into emotions, those emotions turn into feelings. And if we don't feel like doing something most of the time today, most people won't. We live in a world that is almost forcing us. It almost forces it's not far off from forcing you to sit down and consume. Right so that you don't move. You don't need to move. You don't need to be moved. Or you're moved by a need for a quick hit of something rather than being moved by something that challenges you to get up and move and do something that maybe is a bit difficult and challenging. Human beings have become incredibly passive. And when we see what's going on in our world right now, I think people are really starting to realize if we don't act, we're doomed. But I think we're all doomed anyway. Ultimately, that might sound fatalistic, but the reality is you're still here, you're still in the game. What can you do with what you have? Who could you be? So with the Simon Sinek thing, it's great to know your why but if you don't know who who is that person with the Y, who is the person with the y that's created, that's become the who, who? Yoo hoo hoo hoo hoo. I really want to know who knows that song. will know that song. It's one of my favorite songs. You know, do you know I don't know whether you've ever heard it. Oh, that's not that one is this one

Pete Cohen 17:44
better put this into the playlist.

Pete Cohen 18:10
Not Why are you

Pete Cohen 18:18
so he's got it's got to you got to make the decision, I would say. And honestly, please, please, please, please, please. You know, I don't do all of the work I did with athletes like I used to working with world and Olympic champions and sport as their sports psychologist. I wasn't talking to them about why they come and sit down and say, you know, What's your why? So what do you want? Right? What do you want? And in many cases it would be I want to win Okay, well, who is the person that's one What are they doing? And then confidently bringing that person in the to the world through in many cases for them, huge amount of mundane stuff that they would do becoming incredibly predictable. Now, you might not have to go to those lengths because you might not be going to put yourself on the line where you have to compete with millions, billions of people watching you as you perform. It might not take go to that lens, but I can tell you, there's no growth without challenge. There's no growth without process. There isn't I don't from my personal experience. So as we think about what we think about and we become more aware and we start to watch what we're thinking, you might start to realize that a lot of those thoughts are not serving you and you let them in and then they feed in your body and then convince you to have the same thought again, and it goes round in circles if you do not learn from my experience to think greater than you feel. You will be doomed to think what you thought before to have the same emotions that the same feelings and never evolve. And I see so many people who are just who they were yesterday and if they're happy, that's none of my business. But I think deep down that's not you I think deep down you want to become more I think deep down, you know it and you know, what's the greatest fulfillment the greatest success the greatest achievement? What is it? Is it I mean, I don't know is it not? Your why but who who you become he's ready to become more who come on

Pete Cohen 20:45
I love the who I met Roger Daltrey wants us a lot smaller than I expected him to be.

Pete Cohen 20:58
So in summary, we're talking about how to build supreme confidence. You know, none of this is none of this is complicated. You know, it none of it is but it's challenging. And if it wasn't challenging, and everyone would be doing it, we live in a world where everyone just want you to do Can you do it for me? Or if you're that sort of person, you're in the wrong room. You're listening to the wrong podcast, but if you're the sort of person I want to own it, I want it. I want it for me. I don't want you to change my life. I want me to change my life. What do I need? Well, you might need some help. You might need an environment you might need I don't know what you need, because I'm not you but I've spent my life being dedicated to helping people go from A to B. Someone said to me, so they goes I didn't know that you're a coach and I thought you're a speaker. Well, I am a speaker. Yeah, speaking I speak I am a speech. Everyone's a speaker. You know, you can talk but the essence of who I am, I'm a coach. You know what the word coach means? It comes it comes from a Hungarian word meaning a Coach and Horses. Why does anyone getting a coach in horse because they are somewhere and they want to go somewhere. So how to build supreme confidence decide who you want to be decide who that person is. You know, why would you want to be that person? Let's look at the why after the who would you want to be? Why would you want to be that person? And this isn't about comparison. That's a dangerous disease. I'm talking about who and then connecting with that person. And then knowing that if you did X, Y and Zed that's what confidence is. Competence I think is doing what you say you're going to do and knowing the second part of that if you do that, over an extended period of time, you will become who you want to be. And what would be your greatest achievement in your whole life. What will be the greatest achievement? Will it be what or will it be Who will it be why? I really do appreciate this opportunity to speak with you. I really do appreciate the opportunity to share just what I have learned my wisdom and just watch those thoughts. Watch him because they come in. And if you don't watch him, and you don't go, that's interesting, rather than letting them in and letting them take over. You'll always be a victim of what you think. You're more than what you think you think. You are who you're choosing to become. I really want to thank all of you for listening to the podcast. My goal has always been to help people become the person that they want to follow. It's not the easiest thing to do, but it has to be the greatest thing that you'll ever do in your entire life. Thanks for listening guys. To recognize your talents, your gifts. The mark that you want to leave on this. Did you go to places that maybe you've not been before? You see leaders know the importance of getting on comfortable. They know that nothing grows in their comfort zone. They you you are prepared to rise up and be the person that he wants to follow. It's time for you to become the leader in your life. You are the leader. It's time to take the lead like never before. Thanks for listening to the podcast. We'll see you next time.


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