27 Jan, 2022#187 Why Winners Win and Losers Lose
Winning feels absolutely amazing. You feel like you are on top of the world. You feel invincible, like a proper superhero. But winning takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of courage. It takes a lot of guts and determination. That’s what we need to talk about.
What does it mean to really win? How do we win in this life? Do you feel like you are losing? Why?
In this episode, listen as I talk about what it means to be a true winner and how failure is not synonymous with losing.
✅ Doubt, fear and settling are the reasons why people lose.
✅ If you are winning by outperforming other people, then it’s not the healthiest way to win.
✅ Winning is not the absence of challenges and setbacks, it’s the ability to bounce back and believe that you can win.
Some important stories in this episode:
📌(5:09) Recalling the experience working with Roger Black
📌(17:05) Discussion on Piers Steel’s Procrastination Equation
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Pete Cohen is one of the world’s leading life coaches and keynote speakers. Hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world have been motivated and inspired by Pete’s presentations. He has professionally impacted the lives of thousands of people worldwide, including business executives, professional athletes, and everyday people. Pete focuses on the importance of closing the gap in our lives between where we are and where we want to be, both personally and professionally.
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Pete is the author of 19 published books, several of which have been best-sellers across the world, including Shut the Duck Up, Habit Busting, Life DIY, and Sort Your Life Out. He has also presented his own show on TV called The Coach and was the resident Life Coach on GMTV for 12 years. His new book Inspirators – Leading The Way In Leadership is available for free here –
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Pete Cohen 0:01
Happy beautiful, amazing, fantastic day, it is Pete Cohen, it is the Mi365 podcast today's podcast is called Why Winners Win and Losers Lose, I'll see you after the incredible theme tune.
Pete Cohen 0:43
Good morrow to you Happy Beautiful day thank you so much for joining me for the podcast. Kill me, will only make this stronger question is, are you ready to become a winner. I love winning who likes winning.
Unknown Speaker 1:09
That's how long I've been pneumonia. Let's get ready to rumble.
Pete Cohen 1:20
I love winning but let's start off by talking about what winning actually is. And it's really interesting whenever you're going to talk about a subject I love to look at okay what are the words I'm actually using, what is a winner. What is a loser. Let's look at the dictionary definition of the word winner means to acquire or secure as a result of a contest or a conflict. Okay, that's what a lot of people will associate winning. So when Deontay Wilder lost to Tyson fury, Tyson fury won because he acquired something through the result of a conflict, a contest, but if you look a bit deeper at the word winning it might actually surprise you because it actually comes from a very old English world word which means to strive and to contend. Now I don't know about you, I like that definition, because what we're going to talk about today why winners win and losers we lose our first off just want to look at different concepts of the word to win, because I think there's a winning in a way that can be quite negative to you and a way of winning which could be hugely positive to you. So, I don't know how many of you already just like that kind of that definition of winning is a striving and contending and struggling. Winning is not a destination. Look, I've spent the last 30 years of my life working with people from all walks of life, but people who basically they don't put their life on the line. But they, in the way they act, they often do with athletes, You know, they go out there they're prepared to do whatever it takes to win, but their lives have often been built around the winning the result. And in fact, many of those athletes, who I know that when they've stopped they've gone into massive depressions, because everything was about a result. And then when they stopped is a great example of this is a guy called, you might have heard of him, Jonathan Edwards, who was a triple, triple jumper. Hop skimping hop, skip and a jump, and he was very, actually, religious, and then when he stopped, He went into a depression because he didn't know who he was anymore. He spent most of his life working towards something. So, for me, and I really would encourage you to think about this because we know that people don't change, Right, when their perspective changes, we know that people's change, we know that people change. When their perspective changes, you know,
Pete Cohen 4:10
I don't know how many of the Rocky films you've seen, when will rocky ever retire. Think of God something left in the basement. Have you seen that Rocky Balboa right you know he's I don't know he's in his 50s, and he's working in the meat factory punching the me, and his brother in law they're talking, and he says, I think of God so big loved into bushman. And he goes, what basement, you know, what have you got left in you. I don't know how old you are, but what have you got left in you that you still want to do because for me, winning is the striving and struggling towards the result that you're looking for, whether you achieve it or not. And really what I want you to think about if you want to think about it is when you're winning to beat other people versus winning to outperform your previous best, because when I look at what I think is healthy in terms of winning, healthy competition, healthy competition is when the eyes are on you and you're looking at yourself. I remember working with an athlete called Roger Black and Roger Black was a 400 meter runner. And he was going up against the fastest man on the earth at that time the 400 meter world record holder, and literally he knew he absolutely knew that he was not going to win new, but rather than focusing on the person that he was racing against. He just focused on himself. And this is what I really, really encourage you to do Michael Johnson was, was going to win. But Roger Black didn't focus on that, or maybe he wasn't going to win but he realized by focusing on him. I remember working with Dwayne chambers, who was 100 meter runner. He came to see me because he couldn't stop thinking about Maurice green Maurice Green was, you know, the fastest man in the world Maurice Greene was very clever because Maurice clean what he would do you know 100 meter runners when they're standing behind the line. And they're looking ahead Maurice Greene used to do this thing where he'd walk out in front of everybody else, walking down the line, just strutting his stuff and everyone would look at him. And if you want to look at him, you might as well just give him your energy and go here's my energy. There you go. And Dwayne chambers came to see me, because that was one thing he just couldn't stop thinking about, but he didn't realize that he didn't have to think about that. It's amazing what people will do to, when he was someone who actually got done for drugs. It's amazing what lengths people go to win, but I really want you to think about you it's all very well looking at other people but what about you, what does winning mean to you. Can you not see that. Now, a great healthier way to move through the world will be when you decide to outperform what you did yesterday, as best as you can or the day before. Do you not look back at yourself and laugh sometimes do not look about I look back at, you know, the books I wrote and I don't actually agree with what I said, I look back at myself when I was giving talks 2030 years ago. And I'm embarrassed to be honest, I'm just so proud of the person that I am, I am becoming and I don't know about you I haven't finished yet. You know when Napoleon Hill talked about when people get into their prime in their 40s and 50s, and 60s. Most people don't, because they're settling for what they have, winning for me is this constant growth this constant expansion, this constant wanting to learn and evolve. What about you, is it whether you whether we realize it or not we are hard wired to win, we are hardwired to win. Winning is a powerful, more powerful drive than sex. And if you don't wake up to that you're going to find yourself suffering inside when you don't need to because again this is just my opinion I might be wrong here, but when you look at the science, the science is pretty unequivocal about this we are teleological beings. Everything we do is for an outcome, everything, everything we do is for a goal, you know, you know that, and the fact that we have this just incredible ability. You know, we have this ability to dream to come up with an idea, you know, and to, to, maybe even put the idea down and tell people. So what in your life right now. Do you dream about what in your life do you want to achieve, who do you want to become. What if that was your magnificent obsession. Because you are the type of person I want to talk to, who are you and what are you truly capable of doing.
Pete Cohen 9:09
So the question is are you ready to go again. Are you ready to realize that there's never any losing, losing to me it's just, again, it's a fascinating conversation, what does that actually mean I lost. It just means that there's something to learn. If you really want to take on a different perspective if you really want to reinvent yourself if you really want to shed the skin of who you thought you were, and show the world what you're really truly capable of, I don't know about you but I'm ready. Are you ready. Are you ready, because I'm telling you I am so ready to work with anyone who wants to outperform themselves, who wants to compete in a way where you want other people to succeed you look around you and you think I want that person to succeed, because it inspires me to do the same. So I do want to give you some practical application around this but why do people lose Well, there's many reasons and everyone's different, but ultimately, people are frightened. Many people are frightened we talked with we talk about this a lot in terms of whether you like it or not. Yesterday I was with a whole load of golfers who I work with, they're all doing a degree, they're studying golf, and they all play golf. And I said, you know, how many of you find that there's some interference when you play golf, that there's a voice in your head that is basically putting doubt in your mind, you stand behind the ball. There's people watching you, you know what you want but boy do you know what you don't want. And you're doubting yourself you're talking to yourself, and they say the first sign of madness is talking to yourself What if that was the case, guess what. We're all mad. Because right now, none of you are listening to me, that's okay but you're all talking to yourself. And it's not for me to say that I'm right and you're wrong,
Pete Cohen 11:12
because the word is the world is just full of people that have just given up. Another one bites the dust. But what about you. Are you ready to make the choice to make the choice to give up, making choices, and to decide what you're going to do and do it.
Pete Cohen 11:42
Another one bites the dust. So from my experience a lot of reasons why people bite the dust is because they doubt themselves so much they don't want to stand out, they don't want to fall down and look stupid amongst other people that they just rather settle for where they are but we are not designed to settle, settling kills people, I think settling kill courting kills people just, you know, if you sat down all day said that you're going to die before your time because the body is designed to move, you are designed to evolve you are designed to progress you are designed to evolve. You are designed to get sick but then get well. Your body is. That's what we I think that's what we had to do you might have a different understanding of that but we have people all over the world right now who I think are losing because they're just settling settling settling for what is settling for who you think you are living in fear, not wanting to have take the effort, not wanting to look different from everybody else just fit in to defend what you have at all costs. Rather than go. I'm ready to win. I am ready to win because if you're going to win. Winning is the most powerful drive, I believe, of any human being. It is the most empowered because whenever anyone does anything, they have a desire to do it to the best of their they'd like to do it to the best of their ability. But whether they do or whether they don't, that really comes down to the battle within whether the part of you that doubts you is going to be louder than the part of you that goes, let's do this.
Unknown Speaker 13:20
Now I'm back to dust. Another one bites the dust. Another one bites the dust. Another one bites the dust.
Pete Cohen 13:32
So are you ready to outperform yourself, you know, are you ready, you know,
Pete Cohen 13:43
what do you reckon, because if you're going to win, there's going to be mandatory bouts of suffering. There's going to be challenge. It's going to hurt. It's going to be difficult. Let's face it, when anything's difficult and painful, there's a part of you that goes, why bother.
Unknown Speaker 14:14
One shot, one opportunity. Everything You Ever Wanted. One moment. I would. Sweaty knees weak
Pete Cohen 14:30
on say head it's not about being scared or being nervous, it's just knowing that there's more. Knowing that you can become more, because, as I've said, winning is not a destination. That's how people perceive it. The acquiring of something through a result of a contest or a conflict. You know I've won. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, what you're going to do next. What's the point of winning anything I think personally I'd say what you won that now what do you want to do with that to go out and do something else. Winning is striving, that's what winning is in its origin. It's the contest. And we speak about this a lot that you know, 1000s of years ago when we when we worked out that we didn't, we weren't in danger all the time and we could sit down and we could learn to love we could learn to create we could learn to do things that we were not doing before, that part of us, the devil inside that could be destructive that could, that could destroy everything we were doing, destroy our efforts, how many great intentions have you had in your life, How many times in your life if you said you were going to do something you didn't do it. How many times, probably loads of times, so the question is, are you ready, are you ready like never before. The superstar yeah normal life is boring. Only fun I think most people are bored, and they're just not uncomfortable enough they're comfortably uncomfortable. The question is, are you ready. Are you
Unknown Speaker 16:01
ready to run.
Pete Cohen 16:05
So let me give you some tactics here let me give you some things that could seriously help you, they're very simple things to do, but they're very simple things not to do, really simple things to do. So let's first off talk about you making the choice to stop making choices. Simplify the battlefield. Work out what are the things that are the highest priority for you to do. the highest priority, and eliminate the choice to not do it. I mean it's a simple thing to do it's a simple thing not to do. Because I'm telling you that you and I are living in a world that is pretty awesome. It's pretty amazing right now. There's so many possibilities for us to do incredible things things that our forefathers couldn't have even dreamed of doing, even just with using our mobile phone. There's so many things we can do but there has never been more distraction. There's never been more things that are pulling you away from where you are. So what I asked you to do is to just take a moment to think about this there's a guy called piers, steel, who has won the Nobel Prize equivalent in psychology for his motivation equation. And he talks about motivation is E times V over i, times d. So, he is the, the expectation that the expectation is we want to drive up, you want to drive up your expectation. The expectation for example, if you exercise, the expectation is you will have more energy, you will be. You will feel better, you'll look better. The V is to value that drive up the value of it, regardless of how you feel, what you need to be wary of is the items of the D, which is the impulsivity and the delay. It's so easy to delay something. Oh no no, I'll do that tomorrow or impulsively walk, you know, I'll just go into another clubhouse room or I'll just listen to another podcast. You know, you've got to reduce the delay and turn up the expectation and the value, no one can do that, apart from you. And I asked you to do that so the first two things it make the choice to give up choices. There's way too many choices here and as Jim Rohn said we're the only animals as far as we know that can make a choice everything else relies on instinct to nature we rely, we can rely on instinct. But I tell you what, are you ready. Are you seriously ready like never before to turn up the expectation and turn up the value. We're living in a world that we know is we're not designed to live in this world, this world is killing us. That's why you've heard me say this before 97.3% of Americans are unhealthy by four basic measures and it's not just America right. It's the world because we'd go back we're going the wrong way we've become consumers have too much information consumers have too much food we're losing. What is a winner. You know, are you ready to get up in the Hall of Fame. Are you, You could be the greatest you seriously could.
Unknown Speaker 19:13
You can be the greatest, you can be the best you can be the King Kong banging on your chest, you can beat the world, you can beat the wall. You can. You can keep the clock. You could be a Master, don't wait for luck. Dedicate yourself and
Pete Cohen 19:37
you ready to stand in your own Hall of Fame, because if you are, you know you can do it and you know there's a part of you that wants to do it, but you know what there's a word that has been that came with 1000s of years ago and ancient Indian Sanskrit word meaning you can be a hero but just in the beginning, right 1000s of years ago they work is that crazy they recognize the word for that. What have you started in your life, and not finished. Why, because of the snake, you know, because of the doubt, because of the devil, that's telling you, you know, don't do that. Don't bother doing that stay where you are, be like everybody else. If you want to be like everyone else then then enjoy it, go for it. But if you have the desire to change, it's all about reinvention and for me, winning is deciding who you want to become not giving into some personality test Myers Briggs, that tells you you're this type of a person that's all nonsense. It's all nonsense is absolute nonsense you are who you are choosing to become. And who are you choosing to become who you are today, and if that works for you, fantastic look maybe you need some help, maybe you need some therapy, maybe you do to help you overcome where you are right now, but where do you want to go. Really, where do you want to go. Who do you want to become, you know, I'd love to know. Are you ready.
Pete Cohen 21:12
This is your theme shoot this is your time.
Pete Cohen 21:33
So you see winners never quit and quitters never win. Are you just ready to go to a place that you've not gone before, so I asked you to think about this look, if you want to get good at something, the effort is going to count twice. Right, the effort is going to count twice what does that mean it means, if you want to get good at something, effort, times talent equals skill, you get skillful at something skill plus effort, equals achievement. And I don't know. I don't think that we're in this position as human beings yet where we can substitute, hard work and dedication, especially if you want that deepest sense of fulfillment. So look, in summary, what are we talking about here why winners win, well there's different types of winning if you're winning to outperform other people. I don't believe that's the healthiest way to win. And from my experience of people who are obsessed by everyone else is doing and outperforming the competition. That's not always the healthiest thing to do but when you have the winner's mindset around I just want to outperform myself. I want to outperform my previous best, because I know who I want to become. That's what my what I'm driven and being driven to do that and being driven to do that in any area you want. normally revolves around your health, your energy, your relationships, the drive. I mean, there is some research now around showing that there are some genes associated with being driven, and whether you've got that gene or not I don't think it's important. Personally, I think what's more important is, what are you deciding to do with where you are right now. And to get out of your comfort zone and realize that nothing grows in your comfort zone, and to outperform yourself to build some evidence and know that there's going to be some man mandatory bouts of suffering. I asked you to think about making the choice of giving up choices because you've decided to do something, it's not about choice, it's just what I'm doing. I encourage you to, when you think about the things that you want, apply piers steel motivation equation drive up the expectation of doing that and if, if you expect it if you do it you're going to get a result, drive up the value of it, and turn down the impulsivity and delay, you know, early this morning when I got up at four o'clock, I literally came downstairs I started working on this right what I'm talking about right now. Five I got on my exercise bike behind me. And I thought to myself, should I listen to something on clubhouse, or shall I listen to some podcast, or should I listen to some music so I've got these different choices, and I thought about it for a moment, and I went into a room on clubhouse and I was just aware that my effort wasn't what it could be, you know, and what I was exercising, so I thought that's just not for me, I'm taking ownership, I could have made a decision before, but you know what, you live and learn. And then I made a much better decision. And I've come out and I've got much more out of what I did because I put more into it. I basically went all in. What about you, what's your biggest takeaway from what you've heard here. It's not about losing I just think it's just about keep going. Losing is an inevitable can't win all the time, you can't come first. All the time you're gonna fall down. Just like Tyson Fury was referring to Rocky when he said it's not about falling down. It's not about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forwards. But ultimately, this is your life. It's not anyone else's. I want to thank you for listening to the podcast, and I'm excited to help you and support you as you go from where you are to where you want to be the challenges working out where you want to be, and making that a reality. Thank you for listening to the podcast, and we'll see you next time.