24 Oct, 2023

Pete Cohen (00:01.122)

500, the number 500, 500. This is the 500th episode of this podcast. We started it not far off nine years ago. And I couldn't think of anyone better to kind of celebrate this landmark than yourself, Dr. Ray. So thank you so much for being with me here today. How are you?

 

Pete Cohen (01:14.597)

Mm.

 

Pete Cohen (01:42.65)

There's so much in what you just said there. I think, look, with Mr. Beast, he's someone I'm massively, I'm a massive fan of him. Not that I look at all of his videos, but just who he is, his morals, if you just delve into him a little bit, and the whole future self thing, which is what I called the podcast for a while.

 

He famously, when he was 17, I think he had 12,000 subscribers and he made these four videos where he's actually talking to his future self and he scheduled those videos to go out six months a year, five years, 10 years. And I think we're now nearly nine years in since he made that first video eight years. And, you know, he's got well over what must be close to a couple of what? Nearly 200 million subscribers.

 

Pete Cohen (02:37.182)

Yeah, yeah.

 

Pete Cohen (03:18.402)

Well, you know, there's a part of me that Dr. Ray goes, well, why haven't I got as many followers as he has? I mean, there's just a part of me, I've been doing it for nine years and I have to be honest, I can hear that part of me that says that, are we good to address that? Because I'm happy just to be totally open and honest about where I am right now. But...

 

tell you why I started podcasting, because it actually, even before this podcast, I was doing something called blog talk radio, which is where I just spoke into a phone and it was recorded and that was, it was called weight loss guru radio. And I did a whole load of those as well. If I go back even further, I've always loved, um, speaking, you know, it might sound really obvious to people, but I used to make tapes for people where I would talk and I play music and I had friends that traveled the world and I, and I gave these to people because.

 

It was just a gift to, and it still is a gift to be able to speak and inspire people. I've always just loved it. I've always loved radio, you know, and I've always loved just, like I said, I've always loved speaking. So I am really proud of myself for doing something for so many years and being consistent. I mean that, you know, literally one podcast every week, sometimes twice a week. And I'm very proud of all the people I interviewed, all the ones I've done myself. But you know what?

 

as I look back and I listen to the first few, I realize just how much of a different person I am. How much more I appreciate who I am, how much, I'm also just what I've been through. You know, in the last nearly nine years, my dad's passed away, my mom's passed away, my wife's passed away. We've had COVID. Also, Raphael passed away, who was my coach. As I mentioned to you before, I think I've had seven major guides in my life, people that have guided me.

 

of which my mom and my dad were two and Raphael, who was my coach for 16 years, who I've mentioned countless times on this podcast, as well as my wife. Um, but the other guides have been my brother, who I have grown much closer to recently since my wife passed away and my friend, Andy, who I met when I was 17 and your good self, you know, for the last few years, you've really been a great friend to me, you've guided me and you've helped me really stop.

 

Pete Cohen (05:36.09)

And, you know, I still find myself in a very challenging spot right now as the world finds itself in a very challenging spot. And I don't think there's ever been a more important time for humanity to stop and think about, hang on a second, what's actually really going on here? And yeah, I wonder what, what you have to say on the back of what I just said.

 

Pete Cohen (07:42.598)

and thinking of yourself differently. And I think that is such a key for me, because I'm, you know, as I look back through all the podcasts, so many of them, Ray, have been about me interviewing, lots of interviews, but lots of me giving information to people. And what we've been doing over the last few months is less about us giving information and tactics and strategies. It's more about you just reflecting and talking, which has been different. And as you were talking, I can feel still this uncomfortableness in myself.

 

around this new phase of my life and letting go of parts of me that perhaps don't serve me. And just like you said before, before we started recording this, about where I am right now. And I'd love to talk about that, but some people might be listening to this and this is the first podcast they've listened to of my podcast, our podcast. And for those of us that don't know who you are, I mean,

 

You were talking about this before. I mean, you are a professor of personal branding and you, you are one of these people that you can't hide from looking within when you work with you. You just can't, you're just so real and so honest. You have to look within at look at who are you, who are you at your core? And that's what I'm looking at, looking at who I am at my core.

 

and looking at where I am right now in my life. And I'm still in this place of this huge transition. Like you said before, can you say what you said before about I want it to be the morning, I want it to be the next day when I'm, it's still in the middle of the night.

 

Pete Cohen (10:51.178)

Yeah, I have moments where it drives me really crazy, really difficult to like not know where I should be focusing my attention. And I know you're smiling and I'm glad you're smiling because I think humor and being able to look at this with a smile on our faces is hugely important. And, you know, we've spoken about empathy, fatigue, about when you tell a story and, you know, the story of my wife, I've mentioned it a lot and maybe some people are listening and...

 

But listen, chances are in your life, you might go through something similar to this and I don't know whether your journey will be similar to mine, but grief is a real fascinating ride because I'm just not ready. I want to be ready, but I know deep down, I'm not ready to move into the next phase of my life. The, the, the phase of my life right now is to be where I am. It's challenging as that is.

 

and to allow myself to make a transition. The transition isn't like a flip of a switch, which in my life, many things have been like that. You want that, do that, done. This isn't like this. This is completely different.

 

Pete Cohen (12:16.878)

Thank you.

 

Pete Cohen (13:35.649)

Hmm.

 

Pete Cohen (14:18.764)

Yep.

 

Pete Cohen (15:53.262)

I think it has a lot to do with what should I actually be doing? You know, what should I be saying? Um, I think, and that's a really weird place to be in for someone who's spent a lot of their life busy being busy, trying to probably be too many things to too many people rather than just.

 

really getting focused. And I suppose the scariest thing is, you kind of alluded to that, is what would happen if I never know? What happens if I keep staying in this space of just, it's almost like I want to, sorry? Yeah, like I'm lost in a space of.

 

not knowing what to do, kind of knowing who I am now more than I've ever known, but not really knowing what to do in that space. And I know that deep down, the thing to do with that space is to be in that space, you know?

 

Pete Cohen (18:07.266)

Wow.

 

That's such a massive question. I suppose what comes to mind is overcoming an old identity, an old me. You know, there's that rabbi, there's a... Many people have seen that rabbi talking about the lobster that can't shed its shell. You know, it's painful, but it has to go through that.

 

And that's what I feel like I'm doing. I'm shedding an old version of myself. And part of that, obviously it was the part of me that was married to my wife. That's one aspect of it. But this other kind of, it sounds, I don't know, it sounds a bit strange, but it's like being reborn as a better version of myself. But if you use the lobster or the snake analogy of shedding something, it's a painful, challenging process to be, to become something more. And I think that's the journey that I'm on. And it takes time. I think it takes time.

 

It's not something that's just going to happen straight away. It's there's a process to this. And I'm happy to share that process with people and for people to see who I become on, on the back of this journey that we're on together. And I think that where you've once again helped me and you know, this was a big challenge and you know, I'd worked on this book, um, about future self and I finished it and then, oh, I kind of finished it and my wife got sick and I thought, well, I have to leave that. And then she, you know,

 

She, I went through this journey and she died. And then eventually I thought, I've got to go back to that because it was unfinished. But again, what you helped me realize is someone who's been, you know, guiding me, mentoring you just basically a friend who's been looking out for me. I'm very lucky to have had people like that in my life that have helped me stop and think, hang on a second, do you actually really think that's the best thing for you to do? And I realized, no, it's not. And I've realized I want to tell the story.

 

Pete Cohen (19:57.506)

This has been really interesting, Ray, because I've realized a couple of really big things recently, and I don't mind saying this publicly, that I am going to write a book of my life. And I was thinking to myself, is my life really that interesting? Right? Is... Are people really going to want to hear about my life? And that... I'd love to hear your point of view about why I might think that. But what I do realize is, I have a story to tell, and I want to tell the story.

 

Whoever reads that story, obviously what happened with my wife is one of the most courageous stories. Not her courage, you know, to lean into what she leaned into and just what we went through. But also, you know, my mom and my dad and the fortune or the fame that I had and just I want to tell the story. It's almost like that's almost like being able to put something out there to then move on.

 

Pete Cohen (20:57.482)

I wondered why you think I might be struggling with the idea of who would want to read a story about my life.

 

Pete Cohen (23:22.43)

Yeah.

 

Pete Cohen (23:44.544)

one.

 

Pete Cohen (24:27.938)

Hmm.

 

Pete Cohen (25:34.218)

Listen to the albums. Yeah.

 

Pete Cohen (27:13.398)

Yeah, I think I'm learning to love that space. And if I look back in my life, I'd say that's exactly what happened. I never planned to do half of the things I did. You know, I just, I did things, I enjoyed them. I was dominated by fear and insecurity, which I'm going to obviously talk about when, you know, when I put this book together, which you're kindly going to help me with, which I'm very thankful for. But I'm also looking forward to the next 500 episodes.

 

of where you can follow this story. Cause you talk about Sir Ken Robinson and Sir Ken Robinson was also in a film called Finding Joe, which was about Joseph Campbell and you know, this story making business that we're all in, we're all making a story. And I suppose I want my example to, to inspire others. Um, and I, and I feel, I feel like I was doing a disservice if we didn't just take a few moments.

 

to think about what's going on in the world right now. You know, what's going on in the Middle East and just how difficult and challenging that is for so many people. And I suppose, Ray, when I look at my work and what I've learned from some great people is to look at the world through other people's eyes. You know, not about right and wrong. It's more than just right and wrong, more about positive, negative, more about just...

 

taking a moment to stop and pause and look at the world from someone else's perspective. Because it's only through doing that I think we're ever gonna change. You know, and that's what I'm having to do. I'm having to really stop and look at how I'm moving through the world. And I would just encourage everyone if they get a chance to do that in the next day or next week or next month to, you know, to do this in our world that is very uncertain at this moment in time.

 

Yeah, I wondered if you had something to say on that Ray before we, we've taken 2% of people's time today for listening for this landmark podcast. I wonder, and, and the last few podcasts have really been about gratitude and appreciation, and I really want to take a moment to thank you. I mean, you're like a barometer to me. You're someone like a, I can just reset myself when I'm with you that I've.

 

Pete Cohen (29:35.274)

I'm so lucky to have someone like you in my life. And I know that's what I do for others, but I'm so grateful that you're in my life right now and I'm going to be with you in a few weeks. I'm sure we'll record podcasts out there. I'll be with you for Thanksgiving with you and your family. But I wondered what you have to say, what you'd like to say before we bring this to a close today.

 

Pete Cohen (32:14.006)

Well, as I said the other day is to just to be loving. And I think that that's all that there is because of the millions of children that are in Palestine, in Israel, you know, what sort of a future are these children going to have if we don't be the change? And I know that's a very easy thing to say.

 

But surely this is more than just right and wrong. Surely we need to really start looking at this with a fresh pair of eyes. And if that triggers someone in some way, shape or form, I apologize. I'm just coming from a place of love for humanity and for people. There's a lot of innocent people that are caught up in something. And I just encourage everyone to stop and take a moment and send love, send prayers.

 

But Ray, thank you for your time today. And I look forward to another 500 episodes of this podcast.

 

Pete Cohen (33:24.526)

We'll see you again soon. Much love to you all.