20 Sep, 2022

Pete Cohen  0:00

Happy, beautiful, amazing day. It's Pete Cohen it's the Future Self podcast. today's podcast is called Stop Living Life On Repeat and Do This Instead. I'll see you after the theme tune.

Hey, happy beautiful day. Thank you so much for joining me for the Future Self podcast. I don't mind telling you. Looking at the future right now is a challenge looking at it in a positive and powerful way. It is a challenge and ultimately I think life is about one thing I think life is about growth. That's what I think life is life is creation life is advancing. The man who won the Nobel Prize in 1937, a Hungarian man he won it for his theory on something called Sintra P, which basically means every living cell lives for one reason it lives to express itself fully. And I think that's the challenge that human beings have is that choice to express ourselves fully or not. And if we're not well that's up to you to decide what that is. But some people would say you're either growing or you're, you know, it's really some people call it a growth mindset or a fixed mindset. But the only reason any of us are alive today is because of other people's growth. Other people's decisions that have got us to this point in our life and you in your life right now. A lot of that I would imagine has been down to the decisions that you've made and how do you feel about where you are right now? Because today's podcast is called Stop living on repeat. Do this instead. I think human beings are very, very, very predictable, do not think very predictable in how we respond, how we think how we feel what we do. A Dr. Joe Dispenza, who I came across in the late 90s When I watched the film called What the Bleep or What the Bleep Do We Know? I remember hearing his story. And he says that by the time we're 35 years old, 95% of who we are is just a sort of conditioned responses, beliefs, thoughts, we're just this is who we are. This is who we think we are and then ultimately, something bad happens and it pushes people to a place where maybe they change. Would you not agree? For me having studied the human condition for for over 30 years, I was mainly looking at everybody else rather than looking at myself. And it was only when I started to really look at myself that I started to realize this is interesting. Realizing the relationship I had with myself, to start looking at the world I was moving through but when I talk about the future now, it's a challenge to look about it, to look about it to look into it in a way where I'm optimistic when it comes to my wife, my wife who has been diagnosed with a reoccurrence of a brain tumor, which he first had 11 years ago. But I remember 11 years ago when that happened, you know, I called my coach and he said find people that are still alive with the same brain tumor, find out why and then he said I asked her what she's going to do when she gets better. And I didn't ask her that question for three years. I didn't ask her that question for three years. Why? Because I wasn't thinking about it. I just wanted to not be where we were. And I have learned so much since then. I've learned so much. One of the biggest things I've learned, especially when it comes to the Future Self podcast is this. Everything we do as human beings is governed by our view of the future. And I asked her the question, after three years I said Rafael asked me to ask you, what are you gonna do when you get better? And she started crying now. I thought she was crying because she didn't have a view of the future. And I realized that was nonsense. Of course she had a view of the future. Everything we do as human beings is governed by our view of the future. It's just what is your view of the future and how far does it go? And for her, that view didn't go very far. Literally, it just went maybe a week, maybe a month. That's it, and that's where it is for most people. And sometimes when I say this to people, I just feel like the something just goes up, the barrier goes up and people don't want to hear, hear the compensation. I was in a room full of people recently and I said listen, this is my belief. I believe most people today are living a future that they don't want.

That they'll end up being at a place and think how did I get here? How did how did this happen? Well, it happened by thinking that who you were was all you had to be, you know, this is me, this is my life. This is how I think this is what I do. These are my friends very predictable. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, of course but when you really look at yourself, and you look at yourself in the mirror, how do you feel about where you are right now? You know, the results that you're producing those results, I'd say in many cases and obviously not all cases. But those results are a direct correlation to what you do every single day. This is me welcome to my world. I don't know how many of you have ever seen the film. Groundhog Day, but I remember watching that film and really kind of this is this how a lot of people live their life. Take a listen to this.

Speaker  6:13

weatherman Phil Connors. is spending the day in Pottstown Pennsylvania. Mad Men Ryerson. I did the whistling bellybutton trick at the high school talent show thing. But Phil's about to find out. He's not just stuck in pucks. Itani. Will you be checking out today Mr. Collins? Chance to departure today? 1%. He's stuck. In Groundhog Day, I'm reliving the same day over and over

Speaker  6:48

Ryerson Europe deja vu mist? I don't think so. But I protect with a kitchen. Well, it's Groundhog Day. Again. At first he was a little anxious. He would check it out today Mr. Coffee. I'd say the chance to departure is a present but now we could do whatever we want. He's discovering the possibilities. Don't you worry about cholesterol and living life. Like there's no tomorrow. Phil Conners.

Pete Cohen  7:23

So I don't know how many of you have seen that film? Groundhog Day but I think it's a real reflection of how people live their life. And this is how I look at it. I think there's only one way in life and that's yours. And one of the things I'm deeply passionate about is really helping people look at life with a fresh pair of eyes and with what I'm going through right now. There's no question it's definitely making me look at the world with a fresh pair of eyes. It's definitely making me appreciate things I didn't appreciate before. It's making me love my wife like I've never loved her before. It's making me so acutely aware of how I feel and think when I'm around her and the impact that has on her. It's incredible what happens when you decide to wake up. And ultimately, as I said, I think there's only one way in the world to live your life and that's your way. But human beings we are very predictable. And if it's true what Dr. Joe Dispenza says by the time we're 35 95% of who we are as just a set of condition responses. This is me I remember reading about peak experiences. In Anders Harrison's book peak where he talks about by the time people are in their 30s they don't really have peak experiences anymore. You think about when you're in your teens and your your early 20s Maybe you know peak experiences with was adventure was excitement. And most of us just settle. Life becomes for many of us it becomes very busy. And if you're living life on repeat, it's it's if you're happy with that, that's fine. I remember reading a quote by Meredith Wilson who said if you wait for too long if you wait for too many tomorrow's you'll find that you'll have nothing but a lot of empty yesterday's. And that's how I'm looking at my life right now. I'm waking up to the reality of what's really important. Again, I wrote down a quote this morning by Paul Gardner who said a painting is never finished. It's simply stopped in interesting places. And it stopped in an interesting place right now. And that's kind of like what I'm asking everyone who listens to the podcast to think about you know, just to stop not to analyze not judge not criticize, just be curious to Ooh, this is interesting. Because do you want to create a new normal? One of my mentors many years ago, a guy called Holton bugs I remember what a great name Holton bugs. I remember being in Houston. And it was a room full of a few 1000 people and he said, he said what's normal? And you could tell everyone in the room was getting what is normal? And then he just said normal is what is what you see what you create. But how is that normal? Would you like to create a new normal and it's very easy for human beings to look at where they are and judge and blame and shame but that doesn't really seem to do too much for human beings. I think we do that enough. We should on ourselves. I should do this. I should do that rather than just waking up to the reality of just own who is driving the show in your life. And I think what most people are allowing is that their former self, you know, their past to to drive the show. But if I just go back a little bit to what I was saying about my wife, when I asked her the question that my coach asked her three years after her recovery, what are you going to do when you get better? And she started crying. It was because she just didn't think too far ahead. But I didn't think at that time I didn't realize what I know now that I think everything we do is governed by our view of the future and there has been studies which have shown that when people think about themselves into the future like a year they don't know that person to them. That person is a stranger. And the clinical psychologist Meg Jay, I just love what she says about something that is known as the empathy gap. Take a listen to this.

Speaker  11:20

So philosopher Derek Parfit said we neglect our future sells because of some sort of failure of belief or imagination. So I'm going to say that again, because it's really important. We neglect our future selves because of some sort of failure of belief or imagination. But that's a problem because research shows that our brains think about our future selves, similarly to how they think about strangers. And that's where the empathy gap comes in. It can be difficult for us to care about a version of ourselves that we haven't met yet. Yet. Research also shows that if we find a way to close that empathy gap between our present selves and our future selves, we start to think more about what we could do now to be kind to ourselves down the line. So the idea here is just to try to get to know your future self. Because when we spend time connecting with that person, we do some reverse engineering and we start to ask our present selves questions about how our present and our future can come together or meet somewhere in the middle along the way.

Pete Cohen  12:29

Don't you find that fascinating? I mean, I must listen to that four or five times a week, that empathy gap and we know that many young people today, I was the same when I was young. I wasn't interested in what I'd be doing in my 20s and 30s. And 40s. No way. I was interested in what I was doing at the weekend. You know, but then when I left university, and I woke up to the fact of Hang on a second here, I've got to start paying my way here. And then I started realizing, well, maybe I need to get a pension and maybe I started to start thinking about and designing and creating a future. And I think our relationship to it is fascinating. It's nothing more empowering when you're talking about when you're talking to people about what they want to do, but more importantly, I think, who they want to become. And then people have been talking about this for centuries. Socrates said that the unexamined life is not worth living. And I'm not saying that if you're not examining your life is not worth living, but it's the best yet to come. What will be your greatest ever achievement? I'd love to know. Will your greatest ever achievement be that you decide to reinvent yourself you decide to create a new narrative, you decide who's guiding your current behavior? Because if it's your former self or your past self, however you want to look at that. Your your your habits, then where's that going to take you? That's why people often when they watch Scrooge, they identify with the story that when Scrooge wakes up to the reality of the fact that he's comfortably uncomfortable where he is, when he wakes up to the reality of if I carry on being the way that I am now this is the future I'm going to create I don't want that. And then he comes back and he's guided by something else. He's guided by a future that he's inspired to go out and create. So knowing the game that you're playing, I think that's really important. And maybe you are creating a future that you don't want maybe you'll end up one day, being at a place and you're thinking how did I get here? And you know, the work I do with a hospital, Southampton Hospital, a big hospital, and the chief medical officer and talking to him and saying and walking around the hospital and saying how many people do you think in this hospital are here because of lifestyle choices? And he said about 75%. And in my head I was going right, like 85% or 90% By the way that we live and when I look back with my wife now is when we started talking about the future, that she really told me she wanted to get married, and marriage was beyond six months. And I I I wasn't a big fan of it to get married. It didn't mean that but I'm so glad that we did. Because I wasn't thinking too far ahead. And it was only when I realized that we both weren't thinking about a future that we really wanted to go out and create that we were just kind of living every day as it was we weren't squeezing as much juice because I think one of the best ways to squeeze the most juice out of life is what you're doing today to create a better tomorrow. And that's when I Googled draw your future and then Google draw your future. I came across Patty doba volsky, who's done three TED talks on this subject. And then we drew the future that we wanted, and that's the house that we're living in right now. And now's the time to do that again. Because we're faced with my wife having a brain tumor. That has returned, it's time to wake up once again. And to design the future that we want. Maybe that's something you want to do. I'm curious, so it all starts with the awareness stop living life on repeat it just for me. It starts with Okay, let's just stop let's not analyze not to not judge let's not criticize let's just be aware and maybe start to think about what do we actually desire? You know, Napoleon Hill, you know, he famously said the starting point of all achievement is desire. This is a guy who interviewed hundreds of people and spent 25 years of his life looking at people. What do you want to take the reins on? I remember speaking in Vegas to 20,000 people and Napoleon Hill's grandson was in the audience and I was talking about thinking grow rich, and talking about your definiteness of purpose. And Napoleon Hill. grandson came up to me afterwards and said, Listen, I need to tell you something. What you said isn't really correct. He said what my grandfather really meant was about the starting point of all achievement is who he actually meant. Who do you actually want to be? Not what not why? The who is the person that you want to be? And that childlike energy is still there, you know, as children who do you want to be when you grow up? You want to take the reigns of

because I think the reason that a lot of people are stuck and of course I can't speak for everyone. But I think a lot of people are defined by past by their past and unresolved trauma. A lot of trauma came up for me recently that I didn't even know was there. And it's something I'm now working through. Because the body as many people would say, it keeps the score. We remember everything that we've experienced. I think we do again, I don't know because I don't know everybody. But I think a lot of us are defined by our past. We talk about our past. Remember when you get together with people, what do you talk about people you know, Oh, do you remember this? Remember that wouldn't it be great to get together with people and talk about who you're committed to becoming and what you're doing? So the reason people are stuck. Living life on repeat is many cases because they just haven't overcome themselves. An old narrative and old story that they're telling themselves a subconscious that keeps them consistent with their current self, and an environment, an environment that supports their current self. I've learned so much about environment, that if you're in an environment that doesn't support your growth, you can have all the willpower in the world but it's very hard to overcome your environment. And if you want to be a prisoner to your form itself and a slave to your conditioning, when that's your choice, and if you're happy with that, that's absolutely amazing. But who was it that said Be the change that you want to see in the world? You know, Ghandi realized that he had to become more he had to, he had to sacrifice he had to let go yet. He wanted to play a bigger game. What about you and it was Steven Covey that said, if the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step can get you to the wrong place faster. And I don't think it's fault or blame. But I think many of us have put the ladder on a place which has led us to a place maybe we're thinking this is what I don't want anyone to be here. Maybe because we followed what other people thought we should do. We did a job that we thought we should do. I don't know we we behaved in a way we picked up habits that have made us unhealthy overweight, but we can change that. It's not the greatest thing if you put the lens on your future. Self. You would see if you if you could see the future self that you wanted to go out and create. You realize that it had come down to certain things that you decided to do marginal gains, little things and realizing the power of habits because old habits are things that you are new habits are things that you do. So if you really want to change if you really are one of those people that want to change. I would say that it's about designing your life for success. I mean, again, this is so obvious, designing the environment and make that decision. It was Michael Jordan who I'd studied I literally studied Michael Jordan for years. And I remember him saying about once you've made a decision. Everything is easier because the decision has already been made. Your life will become far more successful when you choose desires that produce outcomes your future self wants. So my challenge to you is to think about who you want to be. I am so guided by the person I'm committed to becoming and I'm not saying this is right for everybody. But it seems to work for a lot of people in the work that we do and stop one start one and that challenge. We've challenged people to use their imagination to know that they're going to meet their future self. I remember reading once that someone read that. I can't remember who said it was said hell is coming to the end of your life and being the person that you could have become. So it kind of starts with what you do the night before I think it first off starts with where you are right now. How do you feel about where you are right now? And knowing that there are certain things if you did them every day, they would make a difference. And this for some people is unsexy. It's boring. It's mundane. But if you think about the sublime things that a human being can do, they don't seem to happen instantly. Apart from instantly making the decision to reinvent yourself. I'm not a massive fan of personality testing. I think it has a place for people to say this is who I am, I think is dangerous sometimes.

I think your personality is the person that you're choosing to become. So Stephen Covey talks about, you know, what's important versus what's urgent. And I think for most people what you do for the first couple of hours of the day like for me, I've got up at four o'clock at 636 here now. So for the first two hours of my day, obviously going to bed early is important and switching off digital devices at about seven eight o'clock and preparing myself asleep so I can get up in the morning the alarm goes off. Actually I normally wake up before the alarm I come downstairs and I start working on what's important. And what's important for me is building stop one start one building Mi365 which is our coaching business building that by building myself by literally I start the day the night before I've got a big notebook that's right here you can probably hear it in the background. I started making some notes I we have a journal we have a Mi365 journal I start writing in that I focus my attention and I know I've only got a finite amount of time because when seven o'clock hits, that's it now for the moment. I'm taking care of my wife, but in those first two hours, what have I done and working on what's important. I haven't checked email I haven't looked I haven't gone into reactive mode. Because reactive mode isn't. It's not. It's not where I really want to spend most of my time. But I have to go into reactive mode. I just want to get into creating mode that my desire is millions of people all over the world waking up every day with intention with purpose with desire to carve out something they could look back one day and say look what I did. Look who I became. Look at what I let go of Look what I bought into this world. And whether it's the first two hours in the morning or the last two hours at night, whatever it is for you, for you to do what's important. So for those two hours, literally, first hours, kind of just learning, drinking a big bucket of water, drinking a cup of coffee that's infused with the most powerful superfood on Earth I've been consuming for 10 years after I've done and done my journal that a very short meditation. I've got on my bike for 45 minutes. I've sweated like there's no tomorrow, my daily detox, and now I'm ready. Now I'm recording this right here right now. I'm ready. I'm ready to take on what's coming. Because it's it's gonna be challenging. Start your day by what you do the night before discipline, your disappointment, and go 100% All in if you want to. So here's a few questions as we wrap this up, what is the ultimate end of what you're doing? If you look at what you're doing today, you don't judge it you don't criticize it. You just observe it. Look at what you do every day. where's this going to take you if you continue to do this? I'm so proud of myself because it's almost been a year where I completely stopped eating chocolate. Just it was sugar I just knew was crippling me. And I really had a sense that I wasn't in control that it was controlling me. It's one of my greatest ever achievements of what I stopped doing. What if you stopped doing now what is something that if you stopped doing it right here right now today would have the single biggest impact in your life? What would it be? Because I would love to know, I'm so curious. And then I'd love to be a part of whatever that thing is that you do and seeing whether you can do it, seeing whether you can stop it and maybe do that for 30 days. What would happen as a result of that after 30 days, who would you be? Would you then continue to do that? Because you'd got some momentum and object in motion stays in motion. And what's one thing that if you started to do today and you did it consistently would have the biggest single impact on your life. That's why we created stop one start one. And our goal is like I said millions of people and having loads of challenges that you could take 30 days of no alcohol. You know because maybe after 30 days you'll feel so much better. You think you know what I want to continue I want to continue on a go again. I want to be in control of my life. That's why one of the greatest virtues of any human being is self control. And that's why I'm totally committed to being a positive force in your life being a shining light in your life and to be an exemplar, a really, really want to be an example to so many people get like I say it's not always easy, but is it worth it? Absolutely. So what's your biggest takeaway stop living life on repeat and do this instead? What the do this instead is taking a moment to think about who do I actually want to be? Who would I like to be with my health and my energy? Who's that person? Who would I like to be in my relationships with others with myself?

Who's the person I'd like to be with my work and my service? Who's that person? And as you think about those people, because you're going to meet that person one day as you build a relationship that person what what did they stop doing? What did they started to do? Could you build a strong powerful connection to your future self of course you can. Man we'd love to help you. For now, maybe take a few moments today and think about your future self. Because one day you're going to meet that person. One of the best people to share who we're becoming is someone who won an Oscar in 2014.

Matthew McConaughey  27:48

And to my hero, that's who I chase now, when I was 15 years old, I had a very important person in my life come to me and say who's your hero? And I said, I'm not gonna think about that. Give me a couple of weeks. I come back two weeks later, this person comes and says, who's your hero? I said I thought about it. I know who it is. I said it's me in 10 years. So I turned 2510 years later, that same person comes bingo. So your hero and I was like, not even close. No, no, no. She said why? I said because my heroes me at 35. So you see every day every week every month and every year in my life. My heroes always 10 years away. I'm never going to be my hero. I'm not going to attain that. I know I'm not and that's just fine with me because that keeps me with somebody that keep on chasing. So any of us whatever those things are, whatever it is we look up to whatever it is we look forward to and whoever it is we're chasing to that is Amen. To that I say all right. All right. All right.