3 Feb, 2023

 

#259 Why Most People Will Never Be Happy

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Happy, beautiful day. It's Pete Cohen. This is the Future Self Podcast. Today's episode is a very special podcast, it's called Why Most People Will Never Be Happy. The reality of the world right now is I think there are so many people that are living futures, they don't want, they're looking for something that they think is in the future, that's going to make them happy, rather than learning to be happy with who we are right now. So it's a very important podcast, but you're also actually going to be hearing a presentation. One of our goals this year, in the work that we do is to help as many people master their message I've been speaking publicly for over 25 years all over the world. Also on television down a camera or the microphone here. I've been podcasting for this is our we're into our eighth year.

 

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I know that so many people have a message, there's something they want to say. And now we have more opportunities than ever to be heard on all of the different platforms that we can use. Our goal is to help people master their message and deliver it in a way that really encapsulates the people that they want to influence whether they want to sell a product or a service. We want to help as many people develop the skills and the strategies to be really good at putting their message across. So what you're going to be hearing in this podcast is a presentation, where I'm using a specific formula, where we're introducing the presentation, and we're telling people what they're going to learn and then we take them on a ride. So this might be something that is of interest to you, if you have any aspirations to give presentations, whether that's a minute or five minutes, or 10 minutes, or 20 minutes or an hour. This formula is something that you can use. We've also set up our own Speaker Academy, anyone can join, we have a free Facebook group, we're giving loads of value. We're helping as many people get their word out there. If there's something that is of interest to you, then you'll see in the description of this podcast, in the show notes, you'll see how you can join our community, we'd love to have you. But whatever happens, I really hope that you enjoy listening to this presentation, all about happiness, we know how important happiness really is. And I'm super excited and excited to share this really incredible content with you. So enjoy. And straight after the theme tune

 

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Why Most People Will Never Be Happy. In this presentation, you're going to learn

 

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why most people are living a future they don't actually want. Why? Depression, anxiety and so many other mental health challenges are so prevalent in the world today. And what you and what all of us can do about it. So let me ask you a question. Who said the day you stop racing

 

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is the day you win the race who said the day you stopped winning is the day you win the race. Look, what I'd like you to do with me right now is just come on a journey with me as we explore what is happiness. When I was a child there was an advert and the advert said happiness is a cigar called Hamlet the mild cigar from Benson and hedges. And I remember actually thinking that's what happiness was. That was a smoking a cigar. Now I know that sounds really crazy to you. But I just remember thinking that's what happiness is. And I had been trained by watching this advert that was on quite a lot that it conditioned me to someone said What is happiness, I'd say was a cigar called Hamlet the mild cigar from Benson and hedges because I didn't really know what happiness was. But really what does it mean? Well, of course, like anything, you can start off with the dictionary. And you'll read if you Google happiness, it says happiness is an emotional state characterized by the feelings of joy, satisfaction, contentment, and fulfillment. And I love some of the other words that are associated with happiness. Positive satisfaction.

 

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Mary cheerful, heartwarming, hi pleasing, glad cheery, euphoric, carefree, exhilarated, stoked, pleasant, fulfilled rejoicing.

 

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It also means to have ease the stress

 

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Have the alleviated the burden of. So it's like, if you've, you're burdened by something, and then you you do something to ease that burden. That's another definition of what happiness actually is.

 

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But I became really interested in this subject myself in 2003, I was employed by a big holiday company, to come up with a way of helping people realize that holidays made people happy. So it was a publicity stunt. But when I decided to look into something, they wanted us to come up with an equation that would allow people to work out how happy they actually were. So you know, I'm not the greatest mathematician in the world, but I know some amazing people. So I teamed up with them. One of them is really a mathematician. And another one is just an incredible human being who kind of understands a little bit more about social behavior and happiness. So we came up with this equation. And I'll tell you what the equation was if, if you really want to know because this is the answer to happiness, it is happiness equals plete p plus five times a plus three times h. And we designed for questions that allow people to basically get a score a percentage of happy how happy they were. And then this was broadcasted all over the world in 27 countries around the world, we had people from Korea coming over to meet me because they thought that I had found and my team had found the answer to happiness. Now, of course, happiness is relative. But what I've learned about this area is really, really fascinating. Because Would you not agree that today, we all have the opportunity to be happy? We all have the opportunity if happiness is an emotional state characterized by a feeling of joy, satisfaction, contentment, and fulfillment, we all have that opportunity. But then why are there so many people in the world right now that are suffering?

 

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Is it possible that most people in the world today are living a future they don't want look in America alone. 97.3% of Americans are unhealthy by for basic measures in America, which is 5% of the world's population, 50% of them 50% of the world's population, take prescribed meds 50% of the world's population prescribed medication in America.

 

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In 1997,

 

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it's increased since 1997. By 80%, one in four children are on medication, and only 14% of Americans actually say they are happy. So why is that? Now it's not just America, you could look all over the world and realize that we have pandemics of anxiety, of depression, anxiety really is related to how we see the future how we think about the future and depression is often related to our past.

 

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But let me ask you who said,

 

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life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? Who said that life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? Why are most people never happy? Is it possible that most people will never be happy? Because they're pursuing something they all ready have? It was Thomas Jefferson 1776, the Declaration of Independence, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

 

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Look, right. Now if you can, I want you to picture two words, write those words down. gap. And no, now you can spell No, N O, or you can spell it k n o w. Or you could actually spend it spell it n o w, which is now I'd like you to spell it k n o w. Because what I'd like to do is to give you the opportunity to think about coming from do two different places. Now in 1776, in America, if you picture what that might have been like that America was very different to how it is now. Right then back then what did you have? What will people pursuing a better life? It was really the American dream. Where did the American dream come from? Well, it came from the Europeans that wanted to leave Europe because of taxes and many of the difficult and challenging situations to the pursuit of more. The pursuit of wealth, the pursuit of happiness, the pursuit of contentment. I admire so many people who left behind where they were to go and explore past his news to go to territories where they didn't know what was going to happen, but

 

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Just the idea or the fact that they might find gold, that they could strike gold, and they could be happy.

 

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But in the pursuit of happiness, what does that really mean? To pursue something? Maybe is it to pursue something you already have?

 

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I don't know how many of you have come across Joseph Campbell. But Joseph Campbell really is responsible for so many of the films that we see. And that journey that we see, you know, every film has four characters, the villain, the hero, the guide, and the victim. We see that in every film. It's called the hero's journey. I love what Joseph Campbell says the meaning of life. It's what ever you ascribe it to be. You decide what the meaning of your life is. And if you think no happiness is in the future. Well, okay, maybe it is in the future. But what if you were happy right now? And talking of films? How many of you remember this film?

 

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lots of lovely goodies for you.

 

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And all free two day, cherry pie ice cream pops

 

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to the

 

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screen, and

 

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Canada, kiddie ring. So some of you may know what that film is. Yes, it is a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. And the child catcher who's telling children come on, I have this for you sweets. Now I don't know about you. But when I was a child, that's what I thought happiness was, was actually sweets and sugar. I thought happiness was something in front of me. You see, it's really easy for us to get into the gap, and life. You see, the reason why most people will never be happy is because they're stuck in the gap. And I think the gap is where you feel that you are not enough. You're living a life of what some people might call mediocrity. And actually, the word mediocrity comes from the Latin words, which actually mean being caught in the middle of a ragged mountain.

 

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Media, in Latin, middle aakriti rugged mountain. So it's very easy for people to feel they are not enough. And then when you feel you're not enough, you're looking for something outside of yourself.

 

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And when the American dream really took off, it was very easy to work out let's child catch people. Let's make people think that they are not enough and they need something outside of themselves for them to feel good about who they are. Now, of course, I think this is a trap that many of us have fallen into.

 

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So who was it that said the day you stop racing is the day you win the race?

 

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Well, it was Bob Marley

 

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that we just stop. And we took a moment. But we know that's challenging enough to get off the path of hedonic pleasure of thinking that the future is happy. And if you achieve this, but we know that people adjust that when they achieved something that they didn't have, very quickly they adjust to that and then they want more, need more. And when we come from a place of needing,

 

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well, what do you think starts to happen?

 

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Has there never been a more important time for us to just stop?

 

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Personally for me for so many years of my life, I didn't feel good enough. I was trying to fit in. I thought happiness was when

 

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I was accepted happiness was when I wrote a book happiness was when I went to university happiness was when I had a girlfriend happiness, happiness, rather than stopping and realizing that happiness is an emotional state characterized by feelings of joy. Is it possible right now that we could all have the feelings of joy.

 

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But in a world that most people they are challenged just to stop?

 

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Stop.

 

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Studies have shown that people would prefer an electric shock than actually spending a little bit of time on their own.

 

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See, when we caught in this gap, it creates scarcity. It kind of robs people from enjoying where they are. And when I look back through my life, I think to myself,

 

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how much I wasn't really enjoying where I was because I thought happiness was in front of me. And yesterday I posted something on Facebook. It was a picture of my mother and father

 

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De PUE are both not here and was amazing posting this in the amount of people that wrote really beautiful comments, I said that they were my heroes, and I learned so much from them. But my biggest regret,

 

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if I have regrets was I wasn't present when I was with them. As well as I could have been life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, life, liberty, and being happy, for no reason at all.

 

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When you're caught in this gap, where you think that happiness is in the future, it kills the reward of enjoying experience.

 

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I believe that happiness is wanting what you have.

 

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I think happiness is the starting point of everything. If you can be happy with the start of something and you achieve something, then your happiness expands.

 

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Look, I know life isn't particularly easy and challenging. And right now, for me, it's just become even more challenging.

 

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What is the meaning of life? Well, it's the meaning you ascribe to it. As Joseph Campbell said,

 

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this is the hero's journey.

 

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We can be the victim, we can be the hero, we can be the guide. We can be the victim.

 

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We can be the villain we can choose.

 

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But what are the choices that we're making?

 

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I've explained quite publicly, what I've been through recently. And it's been really challenging.

 

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With my wife, who many years ago wasn't given very long to live.

 

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My parents, as I wrote in that Facebook post, my mom always said, there's an answer to everything. And my dad always said, it's not what you know, it's who you know. And I believe

 

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that those messages what they showed me, made me who I am today, and is the reason that she is alive today. And then last year, she was re diagnosed, and she wasn't given very long to live. And it was extremely challenging. But happiness to me. It's been my ability, even though it's been very scary. It's still to make progress. It's still to move forwards, it's still to be an example to other people.

 

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Life, liberty, and being an example to everybody else. What does happiness mean to you? Is it not now time for a new definition of happiness?

 

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Are most people living a future? They don't want? Yes, because I think they're pursuing something that they don't want. They're coming from a place of I'm not enough. So it's never enough, nothing is ever enough.

 

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And even the people that do achieve many of the things that people aspire to, why is the world full of so many people that aren't happy? How do we change this? Well, I think first is for us to stop. As Bob Marley said, What did he say the day you stopped racing is the day that you win the race, what's the race you're running.

 

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So I found this treatment in Germany, and to say it was miraculous would have just been the biggest understatement, ever.

 

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And a couple of days ago, we went to Munich for my wife to have another scan to see this progress that she has made. But during the last few months, she had COVID. And she had it pretty hard, pretty difficult and challenging time for her. And she'd already been injected with two viruses to treat the brain tumor that she had. And the scans are just incredible to show what was there going away. But there was just a small little bit, this small little piece.

 

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And we were thinking that this scan would show that that had gone.

 

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And as we were driving back yesterday, we flew back from Munich, and we were on the 25. Driving back, I get a text message saying that. I'm really sorry. It's not good news.

 

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Now, you can imagine that how could you be happy in a moment like that? And as my wife said, it was going so well, you can imagine right? What that must be like,

 

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the whole world is turned upside down.

 

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But in who I am in the pursuit of things being better than they currently are and the life and the liberty for people. I just think it's time maybe we change the Declaration of Independence to life, liberty, while you can decide, because it's your life.

 

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Life is what

 

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you make of it. What's the meaning of life? It's the meaning you'll give it. Why are most people never happy? What do you think? It's not for me to tell you, but it's your life. And you have a choice. Just like we have a choice. My wife and I and what we do is we face this nother part of our journey that we weren't expecting to face.

 

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And it's going to be challenges we go back to Germany for more

 

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or treatment.

 

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And as we've understood that the reason this probably happened was her body was fighting

 

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something, and then it got a virus and other virus COVID.

 

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And her body stopped fighting what it was fighting and started fighting that.

 

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So there's a logical explanation. But now we go back and we move into another headwind.

 

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See, ultimately, when you write those words down the gap, and the know,

 

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for me, I spent way too much of my life in the gap, feeling I'm not enough. Building, I'm not good enough. But life has taught me many lessons. But one of the greatest lessons that life has taught me that happiness is being who I am. Being comfortable in my own skin, and realizing that I've got a job to do here.

 

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And in that job of the know,

 

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it's to know that I need to go, go where

 

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go into a world of constantly creating constantly expanding, constantly making a difference. It's not an obsessive, obsessive passion.

 

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It's a harmonious passion.

 

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We live in a world right now that people are being so obsessed about something that they'll probably never achieve. And if they do achieve it, I'll only be happy when No, You can be happy right here right now. The choice is yours. So what do I want you to know? I want you to know that happiness is a choice. Happiness can be right here, right now that you have this choice in this moment, to be happy.

 

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How do I want you to feel? Well, you can feel for me. Now you can't. You can feel you can sympathize with me. It's up to you. Or you can feel empowered by where you are right now.

 

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What do I want you to do? I want you to do whatever you want. I want you to do

 

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what makes you happy.

 

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You could make a commitment to observe when you're in the gap. And when you're in the know. Because when you're in the No, I think you're in the now. And for me, the now is unhappy right now.

 

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I'm happy right here, right now.

 

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And I know my goals, and I know who I am becoming all of the work that we do is about our future self to know there is a future self. And to know, the greatest thing you will ever do is to know who that person is, and to go out and become that version of yourself to be happy where you are, and know there is work to be done.

 

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Why will most people never be happy?

 

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Well, that's your choice. Why will you be happy?

 

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Why don't you take a moment.

 

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Thank you so much for listening to that presentation. If you want to find out more about the Speaker Academy and joining our free Facebook group there literally look in the show notes in the description. You'll see how to get involved. We'd love to help you and support you. Thank you for listening to this podcast and let us know what's your number one takeaway? No, I believe we can all be happy and happiness should be the starting point of everything. It's our right it's our ability to do that that can often take practice. But I really do appreciate everyone that listens to our podcast, and we'll see you again take care much love and all the best.