9 May, 2023You 2.0 – How To Live Your Best Life
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“We can’t become what we need to be by remaining what we are.” – Oprah Winfrey
Upgrading is quite a common occurrence on mobile phones, computers, and software, but are you aware of the need to upgrade yourself? When was the last time you upgraded yourself? Is the current version of you living your desired life?
In the dictionary, “upgrade” means to raise it to a higher standard or to improve it by replacing or adding components. What elements of your life do you really need to enhance? Is your own operating system working in line with your hardware? How can you truly upgrade yourself?
Tune in to know the answers to these questions. Learn how you can create a better version of yourself and live a great life.
Act now. Grow. Make a difference and live a fulfilled life.
⚡️ People feel empowered and in control when they have autonomy.
⚡️ Getting better at something does not necessarily lead to a destination.
⚡️ Comparing yourself to others is an external validation that does not lead to fulfillment.
⚡️ Real upgrade revolves around higher needs.
🔥🔥To live your best life:
- Upgrade the way you look at yourself and what you are doing.
- Grow and contribute in a mindful way.
- Be humane, loving, and helpful.
🎯 4:44 Sadhguru talks about the meaning of life.
🎯 5:55 Changes in my life’s meaning.
🎯 8:10 The undermining force that drives us. V0.0 – v1.0
🎯 10:13 Autonomy, mastery, and purpose as driving forces.
🎯 15:25 Empowering learnings I came across.
🎯 20:00 The six needs of man according to Tony Robins
Send us a message and tell us what is your biggest takeaway about this episode. 👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼
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About Pete Cohen: Pete Cohen is one of the world’s leading life coaches and keynote speakers. Hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world have been motivated and inspired by Pete’s presentations. He has professionally impacted the lives of thousands of people worldwide, including business executives, professional athletes, and everyday people. Pete focuses on the importance of closing the gap in our lives between where we are and where we want to be, both personally and professionally.
It’s then all about coaching you to remove the obstacles that are in your way and helping you install the habits of success.
Pete is the author of 20 published books, several of which have been best-sellers across the world, including Shut the Duck Up, Habit Busting, Life DIY, and Sort Your Life Out. He has also presented his own show on TV called The Coach and was the resident Life Coach on GMTV for 12 years.
Happy beautiful day. It's Pete Cohen. It's the Future Self Podcast. Today's podcast is called You 2.0 - How To Live Your Best Life. I'll see you after the theme tune.
Happy Beautiful day thank you so much for joining me for the podcast. Now this song is obviously called Life this song is very well known with people that go to Tony Robbins seminars
So today we're talking all things life we're talking about you 2.0 We got a lot to cover. I got a lot to share, but my goal is most definitely to give you a different perspective of where you are a different perspective of life, a different perspective of possibilities. And I appreciate you being here. So if you're ready, I'm ready. Let's go. So look, how are you listening to this podcast? I wonder whether you're listening to the chances are you're listening to this on a phone. And when was the last time you upgraded your phone? When I looked back at all phones I've had I remember having a phone in 1991 and it was massive. And it never worked. I was a personal trainer. And in the gym that I was working in. There was no reception. It was a complete waste of time. And I ended up getting locked into a contract that cost me a couple of 1000 to get out of but we've come a long way. Since then. Would you not agree that technology has a change and it is upgraded and if you look then to what you were using and what you might be using now. It's incredible that it took someone like Steve Jobs to kind of look at something and go that's interesting. Maybe we can do something better when he came on stage with the iPod all those years ago, and he said something like you know wouldn't it be amazing if you could have 1000 songs in this little thing and people probably laughed and but how many of us queued outside a shop to get a phone? I mean, I did. Because I was bought in hook, line and sinker I bought into something and I kept upgrading. I don't know what phone I'm on now. Is it the iPhone 13 or 14? It's amazing what we buy into it. It's amazing what we upgrade. We upgrade so many elements of our life, but very few of us upgrade the operating systems of our brain. And in fact the software systems that's the programs that we run inside our mind how we think how we feel our habits are actually damaging the hardware and I know that most people know this. I mean, there's a sistex are quite scary when we look in America, for example, a book by Kelly McGonigal called The Joy of movement where she cites that 97.3% of Americans are unhealthy by four basic measures the amount of people that are on prescription prescription medications. It's It's crazy, right and we look at how many people in the world today are suffering with conditions that perhaps they don't actually need to be suffering with. Whether that's heart disease or it's cancer. How many of these things have a strong correlation to lifestyle choices? You know, we have pandemics, not just the viruses but we have them of society. So much of that is to do with the way that we think especially about the future than we have pandemics of depression, which is often how we think and how our past has affected affected us. We have so many issues around people not being able to concentrate. We've never had so many people wanting to take their own lives as we do right now. So it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, how about we just stop for a moment and just ask a few questions. And, and pause, you know, and maybe start to think about what actually is the meaning of life? Well, that's a big question, isn't it? I mean, maybe that's just too much of a heavy question to ask. I've got Sadhguru with me here right now. And why don't we just ask him what the meaning of life is.
connected if you don't have a purpose of the meeting, so ultimately, is there any meaning to life and I think for a lot of people there is no meaning. The way I look at it is the meaning of life. The meaning that you give it and what is the meaning that you're currently giving your life? Now of course these are deep, psychological, philosophical questions that require us to stop and pause. I'd like to know what is the meaning of your life wherever you listen to this podcast because I know we have people listening to it all over the world. What is the meaning of your life? What was the meaning you were giving it mean? When I was young? There wasn't a meaning when I was a baby. I found a meaning. Which was to maybe do what was just instinctive just to play to create to want we are wanting creatures the only reason we learn to make any noise is because we want something What do we want? What we can't fend for ourselves? When we're babies. So what do we want? We want to be fed, we want to be held we want our nappy to be changed. And then we realize when we start to see things, we want things so someone's rattling something we want it we want to play we want to create, we want to move we want to go from here to there so we can't actually walk so we kind of learn how to crawl and it's pretty difficult. But there was something driving us to go somewhere. That's what human beings are. And once upon a time, our minds really were the master our brains, our minds in action and our minds would tell our brains what to do and our bodies would move and we'd go from here over to there. And I don't think that's ever wind. But it's what do we want? What is the driving force behind you? What is that driving force? What motivates us? So the word motivation comes from a Latin word, which basically means your motive What is your motives for doing what you do? The reasons we do what we do? Now we know that everything we do is for goals. It's for outcomes, it's for aims, we are wanting creatures and for years in the world of psychology, we thought we believe that people were driven by their past, of course, our past affects us. There's no question about that or conditioning. But our conditioning doesn't have to be our destiny. But many of us need to kind of stop and look at how we're living our lives. Before we perhaps decide to move our life in a different direction. I look at it as most people are living lives. It's not that they don't want the life they've got now but they definitely don't want the future that is going to be created on the back of the life that they're living. How many people do you think will end up thinking you know what, I wish I'd done things differently. I wish I'd gone there. I wish I'd said that. I wish I'd stopped that. Why do we do what we do. So underneath everything, what is the undermining invisible force that drives us all? See what we thought for years? What drove people? The carrot and the stick human motivation, extrinsic motivation, right? So if you do this, you get that and it's one of the most robust findings in social science, but it's the most ignored. You know, and if you really delve into this, it's absolutely fascinating. So if we looked at what drove us, 0.0 Right, right back in the beginning of time, it was basic survival needs, right? It was just the drive to survive. And then you could look at perhaps, drive 1.0 which is where most of us have gone, been put through, you know, families, business schools, the whole kind of carrot and stick, extrinsic force. If you do this, you get that if you do this, you don't get that. We've been controlled, and we've been coerced. And again, some amazing studies have shown that you know, if you like, say to a child will pay you to do this, or pay you to take the trash out or something is something as simple as that, that you stop paying the child the child isn't going to do it anymore. Again, you know, with kids. I remember reading about a study when I studied psychology, I remember reading a study about children that were rewarded for drawing. And then what happens is eventually you just see their interest is plummets. And when we see this in work, you know I've spent the last 25 years working in corporations all around the world. And again, we think people are driven by carrot and stick when what we really see is that people want to be a part of something. Of course, some people like the idea of if I do this, I get that. But then what happens surely you want something else after that. And what we see is really drives people to go to a place they haven't gone before, is autonomy, mastery and purpose. And that's what I want to just dive into just a little bit here with you right now. Autonomy is self determination. It's like you wanting to do what you want to do, that you actually have a choice. And I don't know about you, but I think there's a rebel inside. Most people. If you tell someone go tidy your room or do this, there's something inside most people that go I don't want to do that. I want to do it my way. And I think that for a lot of people. They've given up that drive and it's causing a lot of problems. There's a part of people that want to be in control. Then there's mastery. People who actually want to get better. Me Hi, Chick segment Hi. who's written incredible book that called flow which is all about that state that people can get into. And I've seen this with many of the athletes who I've worked with who have you know, competed with millions, billions of people watching them, and it's all about their ability to get into a space where they can flow where they're not really thinking about the result. They're just in the moment, and they've done all the hard work. They just they just let it happen. I remember working with an athlete called Sally Gunnell world champion, Olympic champion. And in 1991, she literally had one hurdle left to jump over 400 meter hurdles. She looked at the hurdle and she said to herself, Oh, I bet not hit that. And she hit it. And she came second. And that hit her heart. And it lit a fire inside her that she thought I'm never going to endure that pain again. And she was literally so determined to master her craft. And she got so good at this that she got so good at literally focusing on the result that she wanted, you know, like using her mind that we all have an imagination to see the result over and over and over again imagine herself running and winning. And that did that made her really just focus on then the process of making that happen. enjoying the process, enjoying the training, wanting something so much that you're prepared to forget about the result and literally just focus on the doing just the doing the monotony the day to day monotony of doing the same thing over and over and over and over again. But knowing that by doing that you're making incremental gains, and you're just getting better you're getting lost in the journey. Now if you watch her win in 1992 Great she won the gold medal in Barcelona in the Olympics, but she didn't stop there. 1993 you watch her she wasn't feeling very well. She had a cold, complete competing in the world championships. And she could easily have taught herself Oh, you're not you can't do this and no, you're not feeling very well. But no, she pushed that voice down and she heard that other voice you know that other voice the genius voice you've got this. You've trained for this. Let's go. Ready? On your marks, get set, bang. And she ran the race and she got into the flow. And once you cross the line and you can Google this and watch it you'll see that she didn't know that she'd won. She's congratulating people no idea. Then she realizes that she's won and she jumps up and down. It's a it's a it's a carried on walking around and then she realizes she's just broken the world record and again, jumps up and down. That we see that when people have autonomy, they feel that they are in control. They're making progress. It's down to them. There's this wandering, wonderful feeling of empowerment, and then getting better at something that doesn't necessarily always lead to a destination. Like people who exercise every day. It doesn't you don't have to get to the point of I'm doing this because I want to lose x pounds. Well what happens when you've lost those pounds? Now what are you going to do? Mastery for me is this ongoing drive to get better at something, how to live your best life or upgrade, upgrade the way you look at yourself, upgrade what you're doing and just see things happen. Because if you don't upgrade, you keep going with the same software that's running the hardware review, creating a future that you probably don't want. You got autonomy, you've got mastery, but then you've got purpose if there's a purpose to all of this my purpose. People often find that funny again, what's the meaning of life? What is the meaning you give it? What's the purpose of your life? Well, that's up to you. I think there are things that you could do that will make a difference to everybody's life. But I also think there's probably some things that you you do that only you can do. Because there's only one of you people call that your own leanness, your uniqueness. You know, what's your message to the world? What are you here to do? Because if you really applied yourself to that, what do you think would happen? So this really
is where I believe there is so much magic to know that if we're driven by the carrot and stick That's so old school, people just want to be a part of something people want these higher needs. And that's what I want to share with you right now. I want to share with you some of the most empowering learnings that I've ever come across. You know the invisible force that I think exists within all of us, is an internal drive to make a difference. And we know that many people are driven by fear and many people are driven by I'm not enough and that's the old operating system. We know that right? Many of us have woken up to the fact that my God I've been driven so much to to by the fact that I don't feel I'm good enough that I feel I've got to fit in. I've got to be someone else's version of me. I've got to compare myself to everybody else. And we know that when you're doing that, it's very hard to feel fulfilled because of course you're looking for something external. You're looking for some form of validation. And a lot of people think that you know, success and achievement is fame fortune and, and I've met so many people that have fame and fortune and they just have so much but there's some of the most unhappiest people who have addictions and in and out of rehab you can only get so far with self interest. He really, he really can. And unless we stop and look at life with a fresh pair of eyes, I think we're in trouble. I'm sure the reason you're listening to this and you've got to this point in the podcast is because you kind of resonate with what I'm saying and maybe this is what your life is all about. That it's about something called fulfillment. That feeling that inner feeling of the fulfillment of VVb had that feeling before where you've done something maybe you didn't feel like doing it. And afterwards you look back and went wow. That you exercise you didn't really feel like exercising, but you didn't just feel fulfilled, or you gave something to someone. Would you rather give a present to someone or would you rather receive a present or maybe it's both. But that fulfillment i think is really where the magic actually is. What's the meaning of life? The meaning you give it could the meaning of your life to experience more fulfillment? Because you can only feel so much by yourself. Now, at the beginning of the podcast, I was talking about Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins is someone who has affected many people's lives. You know, he definitely took personal development to many people, people all over the world that memory even didn't even know what personal development was. You know, because before that, you know, learning about psychology you have to go to university, you know, you'd have to read books where most of it didn't really make any sense. And he was one of those people that thought no, I'm not having this. And I left university after studying psychology and I was confused. I really didn't know what my life was about. I'd spent so much time looking at what was wrong with people in different theories. I really hadn't spent too much time looking at what makes human beings Great. was going to Switzerland on holiday completely disillusioned and I just said to a friend of mine, can you lend me a book? And it's too tight. What can you lend me something to read? I didn't know what he was going to give me and He gave me a book by a guy called Zig Ziglar called over the top. And I just remember reading this book and putting lines all the way in and halfway through. I thought Shit, this isn't even my book. Pardon my French. That's what he said in my head. I'm making marks in his book, because I couldn't believe what I was hearing about beliefs and about habits and just practical ways to help people break through their limitations. And for years, I would then started teaching this stuff. I mean, I've written 20 books published in multiple languages all around the world. But it's when I came back from Switzerland. I said that was amazing. Thank you so much. And I actually bought him a new copy of the book. Because I'd written all over it. And I went into a bookshop and Hampstead. And I said to them, Do you have anything like this? And they said, Yeah, there's this book here, Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within. And I must admit, I read that book. I devoured it. And then I devoured more. And again, I was more interested in learning to share it with others then really applying it to myself. But that's something I learned the hard way. Because it doesn't break you. It can make you and often people need difficult and challenging experiences to kind of wake them up. So they start to look at life with a fresh pair of eyes. But really, Tony Robbins just gave me a different perspective. And there was something that he said that I really want to share with you about the needs of human beings the six needs of human beings. Just take a listen to this.
So it's really interesting just to take a moment to think about what actually is fulfillment for you. What really gives you fulfillment. There is a TED Talk that Tony Robbins has done. It's called why we do what we do. And I would encourage you to watch that, you know in the 30 day Kickstart program that we created. That was absolutely free. You know, we had literally 15,000 people subscribe to that free. It's really just all about helping people build a relationship to their future self. I think the greatest fulfillment is in becoming that person. Because when we think about these are the key elements, about fulfillment which comes from where does fulfillment come from? Does fulfillment not come from growing you just getting better? You whatever you choose to get better. And with that growth of you getting better, that you give that to other people. That's contribution and I've got something for you. That if you listen to the first podcast they did and you hear over the 450 episodes that we've done, you you'll you'll you'll hear there's a difference and it's not just in my voice. It's just all of the years. I've grown and I've contributed and a lot of people contribute to society. There's often something missing that not as much fulfillment because they're not growing themselves. And you know, you've heard that old adage, right? You're either growing or you're and you can fill it in so literally, if you're listening to this, how, how many of you want to grow and contribute? And with that 30 Day program, we literally had less than 3% of people complete it. And I think one of the reasons is is didn't didn't didn't give them fulfillment. You know, they didn't enjoy doing it. It was boring to them. It made them they were focusing on themselves. So they'd rather go and do something else so that they get some temporary fulfillment, that maybe by doing that continuously over time, doesn't really fill their soul so when we talk about growth and contribution I would say that that's the need of the of the soul, the soul of the you know, the real you the essence of who you really are deep down at your core. You know, and as we grow up, we don't we think we're the center of the universe. When we're little babies, we don't win then we realize that hang on. This is a society this is a world that we actually have to fit into. And then obviously we get manipulated in many ways and we think we learn this kind of carrot and stick mentality. And I just think it's time for an upgrade. And I think humanity is crying out for more people to stand up. You know, recently it was Martin Luther King Day. And he said many things. Obviously he had a dream but his life was all about growth and contribution. And of course he was prepared to die for what he believed in. Because ultimately, it really revolves around what you believe in what you think to be important. I met so many people that have so much stuff, but they're never satisfied. hedonic pleasure of wanting things and then feeling good for a small period of time. Then wanting something else, see the real upgrade for me. revolves around let's just look at these six human needs. So those higher needs are growth and contribution. If you're listening to this, would you like to grow more and what areas of your life would you like to grow? And would you like to grow more in your health and your energy? So you know, you just you've got more when you make more of a difference when you're in front? of people, all the cells in your body are resonating when you're talking like just now before this I smashed out 35 minutes of activity. So there's sweat and my, the the cells in my body are like alive because of movement. They've been charged. How many people would would like that just to grow in that way, or to grow in them in a mindful way through the practice of some sort of meditation or some sort of mindfulness practice, that they're just better because of the investment in themselves. And this isn't a destination this is an ongoing practice. This is what we call in maths like an asymptote is a line that goes towards another line but the line never hits the other line. How many people would like that they'd like to grow in that area of their life they'd like to grow and contribute with that. They'd like to grow with their relationships with themselves and with others, you know, to be more loving to give more love and what about with your wealth and your work and your service to the world? Would you like to grow? Would you like to contribute more? Because if that's what you want, then the only question you got to ask yourself is Well, who do I actually need to become? And how can I start to become that person every single day you see the real thing which I don't find so fascinating. And like I say, please watch the TED talk if you want to when Tony Robbins talks about these first four needs now he might be right he might be wrong. I like what he's saying. He talks about the first need that humans have is the need for certainty. And with these six needs but let's just look at that these first four, that you can really get them met in a way that is positive, negative, or perhaps even neutral. These are needs we have to get met, that if we don't get these needs met, it's really hard for us to grow and contribute in the way that we could. We're looking for certainty how many people want certainty. And it's interesting where people get certainty from some people get it from from smoking. Some people get it from violence. Some people get it from exercise. Some people get it from eating well. They're they're certain that they're here. But how much certainty Do you want? It's a fascinating thing to consider because if everything was certain, know what would happen right? You'd be bored. And that's why the second human need is uncertainty. Many of us like uncertainty, you know the variety of life you know the surprises, but as Tony Robbins talks about in that TED talk, he says that people liked the surprises they want. They don't like the surprises that they don't want. But we all know that uncertainty when things happen that are difficult. That's the opportunity for growth. You know, I didn't know you know, this time last year when my wife wasn't given very long to live. There was so much uncertainty. I didn't want that uncertainty. However, as I look back now, kind of pleased that it happened because there was my opportunity to grow. We want certainty. We want uncertainty. We also want significance. Significance is hugely important to people. But where do people get significance from once again, just have a listen to this?
So what he's talking about is that those first four needs are the needs of our personality. And if you've heard any of our podcasts before we talk about this a lot. What is your personality? Your personality is what you say yes to. It's what you say yes to and it's based on your identity, which is the story that you tell yourself. And I just encourage you if you want to, to look at where do you get your certainty from? Where does your uncertainty comes from? Because there's two other needs our significance. People have a need for significance. And there's many ways that people can get get it. You know, one of the biggest ways people get significance is by violence. People have done that since the beginning of time. You could get significance by just being a loving kind human being, you could get significance by tattoos all over your body could get significance by the amount of money that you have, or how spiritual you are. The fourth human need is connection. He says connection and love. But I like what he says is that most people are scared to love. So it's just about connections. Look how many friends I've got, rather than how much loving relationships who has ever been hurt in love? And what I'd like you to do if you really want to upgrade, if you want to go to a 2.0 is to think about these human needs certainty, uncertainty, significance, connection and love and think about how could you get those needs met in a way that allow you to grow and contribute in ways that perhaps you've never even thought about? One of the things we've been asking people to do recently, a lot of the people that we coach, a lot of the people that we teach to get up and be better at speaking their truth. You know, becoming professional speakers. Or just being better at getting their message out there. To begin with the end in mind. Know that one day this is this is all going to be gone and you're gonna leave something behind whether you like it or not, you're going to leave something behind. I'm not talking about your ashes or your you know, your your body. I'm thinking about what you left behind with what you did with the soul and the spirit of who you are. And I'm sure you will be remembered. Because you wouldn't be listening at this point. If you weren't that sort of a person. But if you really took a moment to think about being at your funeral and seeing what people are saying about you could get inspired by that thinking wow, look, I did make a difference and I was a loving kind human being. But it ain't over yet. Maybe from listening to this podcast, maybe you will take a moment to look at life with a fresh pair of eyes and maybe to ask deeper, more fulfilling questions. What is the meaning of life? Well, the meaning that you give it? Meaning Are you currently giving it? Meaning could you give it How could you grow and contribute in more powerful, impactful ways? What's the difference? That's going to make the difference? Let's finish with two amazing people that massively influenced each other. One of them influenced the other more than the other because one wasn't there alive. It was Ghandi that said Be the change that you want to see in the world. And he knew that his life was about growth and contribution, and he was prepared to pay the ultimate price which was to become a completely different person. He completely upgraded himself. If you could have seen who he was and who he became he probably wouldn't have even recognized that insecure. Lawyer who really was full of a lot of doubt. He completely changed himself and look what he did. He's not even here anymore, but boy has he left his mark. And then he left his mark and influenced Martin Luther King, who obviously had a dream and was prepared to go down a similar path choosing non violence, but he also said the most important question, we should be asking each other. What can we do for each other? How can I help you? What do you need? You don't see that perhaps one of the greatest ways to grow and contribute is to be a good human being. To be humane to be loving and ask that question. What can I do for you?