27 Jan, 2021091 The New Game of Life 2021 – How You Need To Play The Game – Part 3 of 4
Just whose rules are you playing by? In podcast three, we take a closer look. Humans are born very dependent on others. We are so for a few years until we learn to develop on our own, till we develop independence. That independence stems from a want for our ‘need’ of things to be met.
We as humans need to have certain needs met every day, the main six are, the need for certainty, what can we be sure will happen, and when? We need uncertainty too, no one wants to have their life plan handed to them in a script. Connection to others and love is what fills us up, we also thrive on a sense of growth within ourselves as individuals, then we feel we can contribute to others and society. But, in order to make sure these needs are met, people may fulfill them in negative or neutral ways. Unfortunately, most people would give up on their hopes and dreams, just to get their needs met.
Most people stick to the familiar. They play it safe and coast along, but just think if you stepped it up and pushed yourself, even a little every day, you could achieve so much more and go on to thrive and flourish. The greatest joy is a sense of fulfillment, but this is not often found in the superficial places people are looking. People are often much more concerned with other opinions of them, rather than their view on themself.
When you think of your life can you identify the virtues by which you live? Can you identify your vices too? Which unfortunately work against you most of the time.
People say, “Oh yeah I love surprises!”. No, you don’t, you like the ones you want, no one likes the bad ones. Now is time to do a life audit and look at the areas in which you can improve this ‘need’ process.
When we were young, we were filled with a sense of excitement for something we were looking forward to; be it a birthday, school holidays, even a visit to the park, but as we get older it becomes harder to recreate this feeling.
We need to look at the distractions that are pulling us away from being our best, spend some time thinking about ‘onlyness’ by this I mean what is it that you do that only you can do?
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Pete Cohen is one of the world’s leading life coaches and keynote speakers. Hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world have been motivated and inspired by Pete’s presentations. He has professionally impacted the lives of thousands of people worldwide, including business executives, professional athletes, and everyday people. Pete focuses on the importance of closing the gap in our lives between where we are and where we want to be, both personally and professionally.
It’s then all about coaching you to remove the obstacles that are in your way and helping you install the habits of success.
Pete is the author of 19 published books, several of which have been best-sellers across the world, including Shut the Duck Up, Habit Busting, Life DIY, and Sort Your Life Out. He has also presented his own show on TV called The Coach and was the resident Life Coach on GMTV for 12 years. His new book Inspirators – Leading The Way In Leadership is available for free here –
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Pete Cohen 0:01
Happy beautiful day. It's the Mi365 podcast with me, Pete Cohen. This is the series called the New Game of Life 2021. It's a four-part series and today's part is called, How You Need To Play The Game. I'll see you after the theme tune.
Happy beautiful day. Thank you so much for joining me. It's my absolute pleasure to be here. Really enjoying laying this down, as we move towards the end of 2020 and starting to think about 2021. Human beings are extremely interesting creatures. I don't think there's any other animals out there that are probably thinking, I want to make 2021 better than 2020. I don't know I doubt it though. Because I don't think animals, really think in the way that human beings do. Human beings are incredible. You know, you look at anything that man has created, and you realize that has been created twice, once inside their mind and then once in reality.
What's really interesting about human beings is what we do with what we have. The capacity that we have to make this world a better place, or the capacity we have to destroy the place. And I'm excited to be able to share more content with you to really help you start looking at your life with a fresh pair of eyes.
We know that people don't really change when we tell them what to do. People change when their perspective changes. And that's one of the key things that this series of podcast is all about. So, in the first two we've just been kind of really looking at what the game of life actually is what is a game. The game is something that's fun and something that's enjoyable what is life. Well life really is what the word means. If you want to go and Google it, which you can look at the meaning of it. Basically, it means an account of your life is what you do between being born and what you die. That's life right. And ultimately, you know, and this is like an ultimatum for you.
How's the game working out for you right now. Whose rules are you playing by?
We know that human beings will be born. We come into a world and we're not ready. Basically, we're not. We can't fend for ourselves. Just get up and go have gone get on with our life we formed dependencies right through. For years, and by being dependent, we learn to be like people around us. We fit into a society that is very crazy. It's very sick. And we don't have to play that game.
I'm asking everyone to really stop and think about what is a great life? What would that really mean? And one of the key things we've been looking at in these two podcasts, is what is known as virtue, and what is known as vice. So, the theme that runs all the way through is the story of Hercules, or one of the stories of Hercules. So, Hercules is a Greek God, Greek character going down a path and two goddesses come up to him. One goddess says "Hey follow me. I promise you; you won't have to work very hard you can have what you want but be amazing up to pleasure lots of joy in the moment". And the other goddess goes up to master and says Hercules "Look, I'm not offering you that at all I'm offering you a more challenging path. But by you going down that path, you will achieve more. You will be more. You'll be better, and you're inspire people to do the same.
Which path do you think he took? Which path have you taken?
Most of us have just taken the path of familiarity. Most of us have taken the path where we've just been doing the best that we can. My goal is for you to really feel like what Pete Cohen is talking to me. Pete Cohen cares for me. Pete Cohen is saying stuff, you know. I know this but it's what I do with what I know. Does this make sense?
And in the last podcast we did a deeper dive into the life of virtue versus the life of vice. You know vice. By the way the first goddess that went up to him was the God of Vice and the other God was the God of Arate. Which we've also been talking about. Which is a wonderful, fantastic life. If you look at ancient wisdom, modern psychology, it's all saying the same thing, a great life is a life of virtue. A great life is a life of excellence, a great life is a life of being a good soul, being a good person, and being virtuous. What is virtuous. Well, the ancient virtues are very much apparent in modern philosophy, religions, and they are courage, they are being wise, justice, and just really being a good human being, wisdom, and we've put these down ourselves
In the work that we do with Mi365, I put them down to wisdom, courage, mastery and love. I think they're the real key modern psychology agrees. They just add, what they call transcendence and humanity. I could put those into the ones I've just mentioned, but ultimately, you've got to be courageous, you've got to be wise, you've got to look to get better at things. Because in life you're either moving forwards, or you're standing still. And it's Ronnie O'Sullivan said in a previous podcast. Six times pickleball champion. If you're standing still. You're dying.
So, if you want to play the game better. Where you have a more fulfilled life. A flourishing life. Where you leave the world in a better place, who you leave the world. And just as you close your eyes you could look back and you could realize the impact that you've had on people's lives. If you're that sort of person, you're listening to the right podcast. If you want an edit mystic lifestyle where it's all about you. It's all about who you become. It's all about how much money you have, all the possessions that you have. This is not the podcast for you. Lots of people chase that. I'm not saying anything wrong with that, but people who chase that and often have it they are more psychologically unstable than people that don't. I remember being in America many years ago on earth going in a taxi from New York to New Jersey. And I said to the taxi driver tell me about the American dream.
He went to the American dreams of a nightmare. To what do you mean because he got all these people that are chasing things, and they're never gonna get them, and then you got all the people that have got them, and they're not happy they're all schmucks. They're all looking in the wrong place.
And I personally believe we are looking in the wrong place. If you want the greatest fulfillment, the greatest joy, the greatest satisfaction. And that's what we need to look at today. We need to look at how you need to play this game. What do you mean?
There are six human needs, I've explored this before in other podcasts, I don't take the credit for this. I give the credit to the incredible Mr. Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins is probably one of the most well-known people in the world of personal and professional development. I came across his books in the 90s. And he had a massive impact on my life. And he talks about these needs that we all have them. We need to get these needs met, but how we get them. This is where it's really interesting. We either get them met in a way that is positive or negative, or neutral. So, what are these needs.
We need certainty, we need uncertainty, we need connection and love, and we need significance. The other two, we're going to come to a little bit later on, but they are the most important they're the kind of spiritual needs. This when I say a spiritually it's when you really come alive. The spirit of you is alive when you're doing. I'm going to tell you anyway they are growth and contribution. Great people they are looking to grow they're looking to learn they are humble they don't feel they know it all. There's always something they want to learn to understand, and they want to contribute. The reason you're here today is because of contribution. Whether your parents were horrible, it doesn't matter maybe their parents. Someone along the line, put this life forwards for you to shine. The challenge that we all have is these needs. So, we need certainty right. Why do you think there's so many problems in the world right now people are so uncertain, so uncertain about what's going to happen? What's going to happen with their health, what's going to happen with the government. What's going to happen with their finances, where there's where there is uncertainty. This is the crazy thing the first need is certainty and the second is uncertainty. We want both of those in our life, most people do. I definitely don't want certainty. Certainty knowing what's going to happen every single day. Imagine if someone gave you a book and said this is exactly what's going to happen. Would you want to. Would you want to lose it? Would you want to lose that book and say I don't want to read it? Some people would but you know what if you might be great for a few days, but then it would be what boring.
What about uncertainty, you know, Tony Robbins talks about two people like surprises Do you like surprises, so cool though yeah, I love surprises. Yeah, but you like the surprises that you want. You don't like the surprises that you don't want like COVID virus or losing your job. People don't want that. But we always have an opportunity right. It's really interesting when you start looking at your life and that's one of the things, I encourage you to do. That's what my coach used to say to me when he was alive. He used to say, Pete how do you feel about where you are right now? Oh, okay. What's going on for you right now doing an audit of our life, and really start to look at how we're moving through the world. How are we thinking how within these needs are so important and I can say you're either going to get the man away, but it's positive, negative or neutral and I'd say most people, it's negative, or it's neutral. But in most cases, it's negative.
So how do you get certainty. Some people get certainty from stuffing their face at more than they need to they get certainty from, from their problems. Actually, it's one of the biggest addictions in the world that their actual problems they talk about their problems because it gives them a sense of, there's something here. If you really want to change your life, which I encourage you to do if you want to because you can. And it's the greatest fulfillment, is to realize okay how can I get certainty in a way that doesn't destroy my spirit. How can I get uncertainty in a way that just keeps me fresh and keeps me alive? How can I have connection and love, most people give up love real love just for connections by based on how many followers they have and how many likes they have and just connected to things that aren't really that deep and meaningful and then significance.
Human beings have a massive need for significance. And this is where our egos really have a problem. Because people often want to feel that they're better than somebody else. Now we've done podcasts on this and you can go back, and you can listen, if you really want to do a deeper dive into this. But what I really want to go deep into, because if you're an achiever and you want to achieve more. I think it's imperative to really get your head around growth and contribution. When we were children, there was nothing more exciting for us than we knew that something was going to happen. Isn't interesting the way. I say arts, because there's a child inside all of us to children have that nature of excitement about possibility if something's coming. You know, when was the last time you were so excited that you Something happened, and you have to tell someone.
This is the opportunity that we have to be enthusiastic to be inspired. A lot of the people I coach say Pete You're so inspirational. And for me, what that tells me is that I'm inspired about what is out there for us, what we could do the exploration that we can go on to grow to advance to contribute.
What do you reckon about all of this?
See most of us have sacrificed true growth and true contribution, because we need to get those needs met of significance and connection and certainty and uncertainty. In a way that is not deeply fulfilling to us and I'm telling you from years of experience. Most people will give up on their goals and their dreams, just to get those needs met.
But if we can get those needs met in a more positive way.
So, and most of this is a real an internal thing getting certainty by exercising it's a great way to get certainty or to keep or to keep a journal or to meditate that boring and mundane things for so many people that's where the greatest reward comes from the certainty that you are here, and you are alive. Uncertainty could be pushing yourself a little bit more. How could you get real connection?
Real love spending time with the people that you love and really being present with them. How can you get significance, make a difference to other people's lives? Let people know that you're here. Extending your life by what you do so you can give your greatest gifts to the world.
See, when we talk about needs. We have a need to be virtuous, I really do. We are alive and well when we are courageous, you know. When we're being wise, when we're getting better at things, and I talked about in the previous podcast going to the VI a character finder which of modern psychology, this is a website that you can go to. And basically, it looks at those six core virtues that modern science talks about, which is wisdom courage, temperance humanity mastery looks at the six that fundamentally breaks up into 24. And when you go through this whole exercise fascinating, I do this with a whole load of people I work with. And I can tell you, especially people that want to be healthy, temperance which is one of the six which is your ability to control your behavior, self-control some people call it willpower. I'd say 90% of people more willpower is always way at the back. It's one of the last things. And that's why we need to work on delaying gratification. Being aware. Just of what's going on. What's pulling our attention. What's tempting you away from where you really need to put your energy, I talked about for me it's definitely gambling. It's definitely sugar. This definitely my mobile phone biggest addiction in the world. I have to watch myself very carefully, because I've got a mission. There's something I want to do.
What about you?
See what if you go and do this, it's fast and I've done three times over the last few years and they all come back. So those six core virtues are divided into 24 they expand them a little bit. So, you might find that appreciation of beauty. Being curious, being fair being kind, you'll see that you'll get a list of 24, but you'll see for most people that self-control self-regulation is way out of the top 10. What does that mean you need to be careful? Just like Adam and Eve were told, don't eat fruit from the forbidden tree What did they do. There's temptation everywhere. There's never been more time, a better time
I should say, for us to grow and contribute and for us to start things and make amazing things happen. But there's never been more distraction there's never been more temptation to get those needs met in a way that is not fulfilling and will not make a difference.
When you look back over your life in years to come. I don't think you would have wished that you'd spend more time on your phone I don't think you wish you would have spent more time eating food that really you knew wasn't serving you, long term.
I bet you wouldn't have wished you'd spend more time in bed. Well, your notes depend what you get up to, but ultimately, this is your life. And what you do with it is up to you. And if you have an ounce of desire to make things better chances are, you're going to need some help, you know, that's why. That's why I do what I do. That's why we've just released our recent, you know, training, it's a 21-minute training called "How to get ahead build lasting confidence and stay productive in four steps". If you want to do a deep dive into that just go to coaching.mi365.me. coaching.mi365.me. There's a plug. It's up to you what you do with that, but I dare you to go and do it, and block out distractions just get pen and paper, take some notes and listen. Or maybe listen first and then watch it again because there's so much wisdom, packed in there, but you need to be courageous to do that,
Ultimately, I know deep inside every single one is a spark. A spark to move forward and grow and contribute in a way that only you can. Now, when you ask this question of people is really, really interesting, you know what, because people say wow, I'm nothing special. What do you mean you nothing special? There's only one of you right there only ever will be one of you. You're so ridiculous unique, you have no idea. Only you can be the parent to your children, only you can be the friend or the boss to the person that you know. There are certain things that only you can do, and no one else can do it. And I'm sure there are other things that you have unique talents and unique gifts. I've seen this with pretty much every human being that I've ever spent any time with. It's something that they do and also when they do it, they come alive. And most of those things are when they're contributing. And when you're contributing, I believe you're growing, you're making a difference to other people's lives.
We've created a world that is people are getting those four needs met certainty, uncertainty, connection and significance in a way that's destroying their spirit, destroying humanity. Rather than "Hey put that to one side for a moment and think what I am really here to do". And what would give you the greatest fulfillment I promise you, what would give you the greatest fulfillment is following through on your promises, doing what you say you're going to do, getting better mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, contributing evolving learning.
The choice is yours.
What was this part all about in this four-part series? What do you need to do? You need to get your needs met, you need to grow up, you need to contribute Look, there was a time where you woke up in the morning, you were so excited for something. Maybe it was because it was Christmas, it was your birthday or maybe you wanted to give something to someone else because it was there, but you couldn't wait. You couldn't wait to see the reaction on their faces, you where you were inspired. You know what, we just conformed to a world that says, put your dreams on hold, conform to what everyone else is doing. And good luck. Be like everyone else, you are not a sheep, you're a human being. You're amazing. It's time for all of us to wake up like never before, and smell the roses, or smell the coffee, as I like to say it's time to recognize your unique talents your unique gifts. We know that a great life It doesn't happen by chance. It happens by design.
Are you ready to rumble?
Because in the last of this four-part series we're going to talk about how to win, how to put all of this together, to know the game that you're playing to choose that game, the virtuous game. Knowing how to how you need to play, you need to grow you need to evolve, you need to put certain things in place. Every single day is you look to get better.
In the last one, let's look at how to win, not now but right now I want to thank you so much for listening. If you take anything away, wherever you're listening to this podcast, whether it's on iTunes, Apple podcasts. Leave a comment. Spotify, share it, get it out into the world. Look at the show notes if you want to do a deeper dive into any of the stuff that I said and go to coaching.mi365 to talk to me.
Happy happy happy happy happy happy beautiful day. Much love.