5 Sep, 2023

Pete Cohen:

We are live. Ray, hello, how are you my friend?

 

Ray:

I am good, I am good. It's a pleasure to connect with you again. Looking forward to today's chats. I'll hand back to you, because I think it would be great to give context and a catch up on the

 

Pete Cohen:

Yeah,

 

Ray:

weeks.

 

Pete Cohen:

definitely.

 

Ray:

And if we've got any new listeners, just to give them an idea of where we are at.

 

Pete Cohen:

where we're at, who we are, what we're doing. And we're going to be talking about hurry sickness. When I said it before, I thought it might sound like Harry sickness as if it was the name of someone hurry sickness, which is definitely if it was a condition or a diagnosis, I've definitely suffered with that. And I still kind of have it in my life from time to time. And and that really came about from a conversation that Ray and I have, I don't think I've ever before it's been a long time Ray that I've actually spent large amounts of time talking to one particular person. And you and I have spent over the last few years, lots and lots of time talking about our lives. What's important. You were with me through an incredibly difficult season of my life, which I'm, I'm still in that season. The season of my wife who got very sick again, then she passed away and we've got to know each other extremely well. And we're really all about helping people live. intentionally. And what's happened out of the podcast and the feedback that we've had is this concept or this idea or this ability or this however we want to frame it of stopping of taking time to stop. In fact, Ray, there's a song by the streets, which is I heard today. And he was talking about life is like living on the edge of a pin. You're trying to live on top of a pin and it's such a small space. because everything's bustling for your attention. It's hard for people to be still and to stop. And I think that's part of why we wanna talk about hurry sickness today. But just in terms of Ray, who we are and what we're doing, what would you like to share to people that perhaps are listening to the podcast for the first time?

 

Ray:

Yeah, Mi365, the name of the podcast is driven by an evolution of conversations we've had, but we've landed. And remember, I would like to share this. Our philosophy and our position is fluid. We're open to learning from each other and from you guys in feedback, and we hope the same is reciprocated the other way. So Mi365, the principle. on a personal level, your internal journey is my intentions. How do you, what do you do when you wake each day? What are your intentions? And then the philosophy of MI can be mindful intentions, that when one is locked in, is aware of self, aware of others, there's elements of emotional intelligence, the research indicates that life tends to be more fulfilling. People get more out of a day, a month, a week, a year. So Mi365 is being optimized. But here is the paradox. That would suggest that you need to be all guns blazing. But the reality is it's the opposite. So Mi365 means that you have to make an investment in regular stopping. And that's what we're doing, Pete, I think, is we're just investigating what that means. There's no hard and fast, we don't want to upset any, quote unquote, experts in any particular area. but we both have a passion and a heart for the concept of stopping. There was a book many years ago, great book called Slow, and there are different people that have covered it from different areas, but we're just two individuals who have uniquely come together and we want to assist, support, and love on people that say enough already, I need to change my direction. And today we're gonna talk about hurry sickness because it's one of those. Prohibitors, it gets in the way of stopping because

 

Pete Cohen:

Mmm.

 

Ray:

someone by default is, you know, running at a crazy pace. Perhaps they've just been in the world championships, track and field events in Hungary and they think they feel like that, they're on the track all the time. And we're saying, no, you can do that. And if your obsession with hurry sickness is performing, then performing is very close to perfection. because you think the more I perform, the more I'm gonna be right. And

 

Pete Cohen:

Mm.

 

Ray:

I would like to say there is no such thing as perfection. I think what we should be doing is being on purpose. And when you're on purpose, you know there are times to stop and you know there are times to perform. So I put purpose above performance. But

 

Pete Cohen:

Mm.

 

Ray:

performance dominating people's life, I've got to get out and do this, I've got to do this. I feel rushed. that's where I think I would land my plane for today.

 

Pete Cohen:

You know, when we talk about these different subjects, it's like opening Pandora's box, because it's just two friends having a chat. And that you just said what you said there, I thought of 10 different things I could say on the back of that. And I almost apologize to the people that are listening, because when we're doing this, it's such an open conversation, we have an idea of what we want to talk about. But you know what, it could go anywhere. And I love that personally, because I just think it's raw, it's real, it's fresh. We don't have a hidden agenda here. We just want to inspire so that if it wasn't an agenda, it was to inspire people to live on purpose. And I just enjoy my interaction with you. I enjoy the fact that you challenge me. I feel privileged to be in your life. Because you know, Ray is a doctor, he's a professor. I'm an author, people look at me as an authority, you know, in the field, we could stand up and we could sing and dance and shout that we know what we're talking of the day, we're all still learning. And we're on this journey of exploration. And we would love you

 

Ray:

I love

 

Pete Cohen:

to come

 

Ray:

you.

 

Pete Cohen:

on that journey with us where we're not going to tell you what you should and shouldn't do because that's not who we are. We want you to stop yourself, whatever you're doing now with you walking or you're sitting down or we just want you to enjoy a conversation between two friends. And we would love to know what you take away from this. But there's a few things that you said there, Ray, which I thought was really interesting. You've had a massive impact on my life. And that you were actually like my coach, Raphael, who I worked with for 16 years of my life, which was a long time. And he said to me about perfection, he said, perfectionism is a lovely idea, but perfectionism doesn't exist. Striving for perfection is great, but just realize it ain't never gonna happen. And I like the idea of looking to get better at something, but to realize that you're always gonna fall short because you're never going to achieve the ideal. There's always something next. And... You know, there's so much in what you just said there. But I want to start with kind of where you and I both started. So professionally, you and I have a similar beginning, not just the fact that we grew up in London and with a similar age, but it was the industry that we worked in the fitness industry. You and I were pioneers in that industry. I was one of the first personal trainers, probably in the UK. I was an aerobics instructor. I spoke at conferences when I was a young, young man. And I'm just about to go and speak and headline an event. in Portugal for a fitness convention, but you said something so funny about the industry and it's not a dig at the industry, it's just kind of, it's our observation of how it operates. Could you share with our listeners what you were talking to me about there, about what you observed within that industry of the health and fitness world?

 

Ray:

Thank you, Pete, for throwing me under the bus. I love that. I don't want to upset anyone in the fitness industry.

 

Pete Cohen:

Well, it would be interesting to see what people also think, you know, it's

 

Ray:

Yes.

 

Pete Cohen:

not surprising, is it? It's not, it's not surprising at all, because people in the fitness industry, if you think about it, fitness, what do people think about? We're all, we want to work out, we're all busy

 

Ray:

Yeah.

 

Pete Cohen:

being busy. And

 

Ray:

Agreed.

 

Pete Cohen:

I'm sure I'm not the only one, but yeah, please just share with us.

 

Ray:

So yes, I think back to my days of teaching classes and doing fitness weekends and other things and had the opportunity for many years to work with a dear friend now, Mr. Motivator,

 

Pete Cohen:

Mr. Motivator, who we always,

 

Ray:

Derek Evans.

 

Pete Cohen:

yeah, who

 

Ray:

And...

 

Pete Cohen:

inspired me as well. He also, I'm sorry to interrupt you, right? That's how we're also connected. You've known him for years. He was a massive game changer in exercising full stop and exercise doing it to music. I watched him on television and I thought to myself years ago, I wanna do that. Anyway, I'm sorry. I won't interrupt you again, I promise.

 

Ray:

No, no, no. So my story is I tripped up into it. I was involved in a sport. I happened to be quite good at it, but I was getting advice about anatomy and physiology. And as a graduate of business, I felt completely inadequate in terms of making weights and understanding what I was doing. There are lots of other variables while I was trying to do that because there wasn't a balance or equilibrium to my life. But I tripped up in something. I saw my mother in a health and fitness club and she was walking down the corridor hallway and I said, what are you doing? She goes, I'm going to an aerobics class. So this is early nineties. I said, oh, because why don't you come? And I laughed. I said, oh no, I'm gonna continue working out in the gym. She goes, well, why don't you? And I was bored. I was going through a malaise. It's the first time I'd ever. focused on one thing. So this is the interesting thing, this is why we're talking about hurry sickness. I didn't know about them, but I was in that space of hurry sickness where I was multitasking, trying to get on top of things, and I knew there was a sense of urgency to do something, but I didn't know what it was. And I think there's a difference between purpose and hurry sickness. Hurry sickness, you literally don't know what you're supposed to do next. You've got this to-do list mentality, and you're running around, another term, headless chicken. and you don't know what to do. Well, I went to the class and the lady afterwards said, oh, you move quite well, you should think about this. Now, the class, I didn't like the music. I was a DJ, I ran music events and I thought, hmm, what about doing this? So every Wednesday, I did a qualification, anatomy and physiology, exercise science, strength and conditioning, and then we did an exercise to music class. So I had only ever been to one aerobic class in my life and then I was teaching classes. So my typology is I would never look for references. So I just did my own class. But because I was DJing and the evolution of the early 90s house into the mid 90s UK garage, and all of a sudden I was kind of bringing pieces of cultural capital, that's cultural value, into the classes. And I loved it, but everyone there would be racing around trying to fit everything into their life. And it really helped me to understand something that I didn't really relate to. But when I was doing a master's degree that was in exercise and health behavior, we started looking at Taipei personalities, and we started looking at this research around people that are highly strong and are racing around 100 miles an hour. And let me caveat this, this is one type. There are other types and we cover this where people keep everything in and can still have ill health. But this is one type of journey towards hypertension. Blood pressure above 140 over 90. You guys can look that up or ask us questions. And that central blood pressure is sometimes driven by the way we think and how we feel and what we do. And look at that. think, feel, do, and the doing is hurry sickness, because we have a sense of urgency in our head, there's panic and anxiety in our heart, and we run around. We just wanna spend some time today saying, you can slow down, and it's counterintuitive. So you will feel uncomfortable if you've never done it before, but it's doing that. Just having that time and opportunity to be able to say, what if, and it's probably, Pete, the right time to introduce something. that I've shared with you and we've talked a lot about it, is the concept of 1% of your day, which is

 

Pete Cohen:

Hmm.

 

Ray:

14 minutes and 24 seconds. And I would say that when we're talking about anyone here listening to this, if you feel that you are on the treadmill all the time, you feel rushed, anxious, feelings of urgency, you need to get everything done, you need to change what you do. You need to change your engagement with your personal ecosystem. And one of the things I would say, baby steps is important for sustainable returns. is the concept of do you have one minute of your day that you can devote to you? And that's 14 minutes and 24 seconds.

 

Pete Cohen:

Well, and that's one of the things we're going to be encouraging you to do. Just take some time out. Ray, I was born apparently six weeks early. My mum said I was in a hurry to come out and I've been in a hurry ever since.

 

Ray:

I'm going to go ahead and close the video.

 

Pete Cohen:

And, you know, people, I was just away with my nieces and they were just all commenting on my energy. They loved my energy. You know, my... infectious enthusiasm. And I do believe that that's my one of my gifts, you know, definitely one of my gifts, but like any gift, I think managing the gift. is a real challenge. And this is another topic of another conversation, because I've observed this with so many amazing people who are brilliant at what they do. There's an aspect of what they do, which is their greatness. But it's also their curse if they don't manage it. And I you know, I burn out massively. I didn't plan to talk about this. I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue, and ME when I was about 26. Because I was working, I'd spent a couple of years of working 70, 80, 90 hours a week, I was, I was, I worked at the biggest gym in I got, which was an amazing opportunity. I was working 45 hours a week for them. I had to, I wanted a personal train. So I had to pay them 300 pounds a month for the privilege of personal training, but I couldn't personal train in my 45 hours. So you got to do the maths on how many hours I had to work in order to pay back the 300 pound and make it worth my while. And no one taught me how to manage my energy. No one taught me how to look at myself. I remember as a child really struggling, struggling with dyslexia, struggling with lots of issues around myself. I don't think anyone ever really said to me, how do you feel about where you are? I don't even know if they'd asked me the question if I would have been able to answer it. But again, going back to my coach, he used to ask me that question all the time. How do you feel about where you are? What I love about you, Ray, is you don't place people above others. And I'm like that as well. There's no hierarchy here. This is just You could look at this and think, Oh, wow, you know, I do spend a whole lot of my time in a hurry. Well, that's okay. You are where you are. And if you want, you can blame and shame and criticize yourself for it. You just say, this is where I am. Even now talking about it. I'm, I'm aware that I've been awake since four o'clock this morning. And I've been on the go all day. I haven't really taken any stop moments. So after this, I will take some stop time and that might feel a bit uncomfortable for the first few minutes. But why is it so important for human beings to stop? And before you answer, I'd love to get your take on that Ray. When we, when you said hurry sickness the other day in our conversation, and I love to Google things. I thought I'm going to Google that. So I Googled hurried sickness and it was a term that was made in 1974 by two heart surgeons, a Freudman and Roseman. And it won't probably won't surprise you. It's now known as a psychological syndrome and it's associated when people have pressure of work or family demands or they have they commute. you know, if you've ever commuted in a big city and you know, you've probably felt some sort of hurry, or when you feel you're at competition with other people, is it any surprise, and we live in a world that's so fast-paced, in fact I'm going to land on this Ray, if I Google some of the TV programmes that I used to present on years ago, they're so slow. If you watch those old black and white movies, you know, there's so much more time. Everything is happening now so much faster. Why that's happening, I don't know. I'm not sure exactly why it has happened, but is it any surprise that we're in a hurry when we perhaps don't need to be? And is it any surprise that it's hard for us to stop if we've got in a particular mode of moving through the world? So a lot, I'm sure you could say back on that Ray, but. Where do you want to go with that with what I've just said?

 

Ray:

I think for our listeners, the first thing, and thank you Pete for your honest reflection, and I think for Pete and myself, we are not suggesting that we live out in any sense of perfection any of the things we talk about. What we're saying is we acknowledge them as barriers to a really purpose-driven intentional life. And if they're barriers, which they will be for many of us, we can go through seasons where we adhere. and comply to things and things look good. But there'll be other seasons where we can be off kilter. And we all know what that feels like. But let me share a couple of things. Evidence of hurry sickness, because people might be saying that. Lack of patience. If you know that you have a lack of patience, whatever it is, if you're in a line or a queue, you don't like waiting for something. If you feel constantly irritable, but you don't know why. If you're likely to interrupt people all the time, so you're not actually listening to learn someone else's perspective, but you're listening to interrupt someone, there's another indication. You're running around on to-do lists, and the to-do lists, as soon as you've written one, you forget about it, and then you go back to another to-do list. But it makes you feel, I've gotta do that, I've gotta do that. Everything's a competition, so if someone can plank for three hours, you spend all your time trying to plank. for three hours as well. But always feeling behind, not good enough. Imposter syndrome, I would say, is an extreme level of imposter syndrome is beating yourself up and urgently trying to run in a direction, but you don't know the direction. And then multitasking without any sense of order. So the thing I wanna say here, Pete, with that in your response is by default, we've used this term default, or unintentional urgency, I would say, is hurry sickness. Unintentional urgency. So you know you feel urgent under pressure, but you have no idea where it's coming from. So if you thought about it, and you can use lots of metaphors, but you imagine you're in the middle of a circle and everything around you is noisy, and you have no idea what to attend to first. So I would say what you end up doing is the deployment of energy. in the wrong environment because you're guessing. Sometimes you'll guess the right environment, but it's the deployment of energy in the wrong environment. I believe, Pete, what we're advocating in a very sensitive way is that when you say, what are my intentions? And then you have mindful intentions, you're actually deploying energy in the right environment. And that

 

Pete Cohen:

This

 

Ray:

to me

 

Pete Cohen:

is,

 

Ray:

is

 

Pete Cohen:

this

 

Ray:

where

 

Pete Cohen:

is.

 

Ray:

I would like us to, I mean. We've talked

 

Pete Cohen:

Yeah.

 

Ray:

about HP as well. We're working on some kind of aid memoir book. We don't know what it's gonna be called from these podcasts, but it's something that I think could be noteworthy is when you're dealing with intentional urgency and countries in war, I hate to use that as an example, but anyone, if there's an emergency situation, we need that. We were designed to respond to emergency situations and other things, but they don't dominate our life 24 seven. Our bodies can't cope with excessive levels of cortisol and dealing with fight and flight. And what we're saying here is, hurried sicknesses, hand sale came up with the concept of fight or flight, but it was designed for us to run away from a saber-toothed tiger or chase after the saber-toothed tiger if we were hungry. But in the modern age, we don't have to run for things. We can just walk into a store and buy whatever we want. So we've got this psychological condition that... Dr. Rosenman and others have come up with as they noticed the consequence of fast-paced life. Now the pandemic has slowed things down, Pete. This is why I think we're seeing many millennials, some

 

Pete Cohen:

Yeah.

 

Ray:

at Gen X's, but many millennials in Gen Z saying, no, why is everyone running around like that? What value does it add? And then, you know, during the pandemic, the highest sales were deployed in things like loungewear. and pajamas on Amazon because people discovered a new way. I'm gonna walk my dog, I'm gonna do this, but I'm still gonna fulfill the things that I need to get done. And guess what the research indicates? People reduce their hurry sickness.

 

Pete Cohen:

Mm.

 

Ray:

And companies are still struggling with that because they're saying, but we want you back in the office. And guess what? Some people are saying, I don't wanna be back in the office because it gives me hurry sickness. I'll come in a couple of days a week, but why would I need to come in for five days for my betterment of my wellness? there needs to be a balance. And I'm not saying, and I'm advocating either way, I'm just presenting the challenge we have today because the whole world stopped. And we talk about stop, but guess what? The pandemic, everyone stopped.

 

Pete Cohen:

I'm really glad that you said that, really glad. Because actually my brother was saying to me that he heard that the people at Zoom have been told they need to come back into the office. And you think about what Zoom did for so many of us with the pandemic, allowing us to continue to work. But I like that. And I like the fact that there is a backlash to a lot of this in terms of people going, hang on a second here, all right. I don't want to live my life that way. I've seen this with my nieces, you know, they're not obsessed with social media at all. And I want to see more of that. I want to see people stepping back and asking questions. And because I think that's a beautiful thing. And I'm really glad, I'm so glad that you said that. I think one thing we must add here is that hurry sickness can also come from trauma, you know, from if many people have had... situations and experiences in their life that they haven't been able to make sense of and that's caused an anxiety in them that is trauma related. And that's why, you know, talking to people and coming to terms with our past and what's happened, I think it's also hugely important. And, you know, I know that because I had someone come to me the other day who wanted to work with me and I talked to him extensively and it became quite evident that He needed to talk to a therapist. So I've actually referred him to a therapist because I think it's really important. He was, you know, when you're experiencing this emotion and it's a feeling and you don't really know where it's come from, I think that's a sign that you need to have a conversation. And if you are triggered by what we say, please reach out to us because... we can definitely signpost you. We think about that big signpost, which I'm seeing everywhere, Ray. Everywhere I go, I'm seeing stop signs reminding me. I've actually spoken to a neon light company that wanna make me a stop sign that I can have and take it with me when I'm gonna give talks. Because I don't think there's ever been a more important time for us to stop and appreciate. We've spoken about this before. You can't appreciate. anything in life really, if I don't think so, I might be wrong and someone wants to prove me wrong, then please, I'd love to know. But to really appreciate your what you have and your friends and what's going on. It's so important to stop. But let me ask you this Ray, because I want to I want your opinion on this. Is there a conspiracy? You know, what's kind of going on around the pace of life and why that has sped up? I'd love to hear your take on this. Why is there such a relentless pace? Um, what, is there, is it, what's your, what's your take on that? Cause I just really, really want to know.

 

Ray:

Several people have talked about this, but if we look at the evolution of society, particularly in Western cultures, people have moved through agricultural, technological phases. The Industrial Revolution was before the technical one, but the technical one has had an impact. It's made life more convenient, and by default we get drawn into convenience. But here's the interesting thing. Yes, can make our life more convenient, but when it's not dealt with intentionally, it actually makes our life busier and more complicated. And I'll give you an example, and France is a great culture to focus this on, is that they've put laws in now that a company can't send you emails over the weekend. Now, I live in America. People think that's absurd. Well, no, you can get an email anytime because emails are intrusive. And I'd love to get feedback from individuals. If you work and you're paid to do a nine till five, should you be dealing with emails outside of that time? Well, of course, if you want to, but should you be forced to respond? And that's an example of the way technology can force its way into our lives. So we've got to make a decision intentionally

 

Pete Cohen:

Mm.

 

Ray:

to manage the portfolio of things, because there's nothing wrong with technology in of itself. but it's how we manage its use. Like how we manage the relationship with people around us. You may be in a relationship with someone that actually drains you of energy. You have to then intentionally look at why is that happening? And Pete, I too want to be sensitive to trauma, which I think we can all face. And remember, it can be micro traumas up to significant traumas, but they're all traumas. So

 

Pete Cohen:

Yeah.

 

Ray:

if someone's had... 20 years of microaggressions from a bully in work, that

 

Pete Cohen:

Yeah.

 

Ray:

accumulation is significant, and equally if someone has one big trauma. So I would say that hurry sickness sometimes is a defense mechanism. So what we do is we distract ourselves by running away from something that hurts us. We're saying that the 1% of the day is very uncomfortable, but if you can

 

Pete Cohen:

Mm.

 

Ray:

gain a little bit of mastery or comfort. in spending time just for you to review, ideally at the beginning of the day, it is really liberating. And I know you and I have been talking and at the same time doing this. And I mean, your voice is recognized globally. You have millions of people listening to meditation

 

Pete Cohen:

Mm.

 

Ray:

content on YouTube with your voice. That demand construct is there for one reason, the world needs to be able to stop.

 

Pete Cohen:

And again, I mean, again, I want to know why. I mean, I, the way I would answer the question in terms of why, if you think about just how we have evolved, we have evolved that we need to sleep. I've said this on another podcast that the word siesta comes from the Latin for six, which was for the Romans, you've been awake for six hours, stop. You know, these different rhythms that now people talk about this Arcadian, the Arteradian rhythms that we're not designed to always being on, but we live in a world that is constantly on. And I think also Ray, through this major stop in my life, I've realized, hang on, I need to step away from what's going on here. And I don't think I've ever been aware of that as I have been, having been away with, you know, lots of other people. just realizing, hang on, I need to step away here. I just need to just be on my own. And, you know, what you said about the trauma thing is that I think a lot of people are frightened to stop. I think I've spent a lot of my life frightened to stop because what am I gonna find out about myself? I remember studying neuro-linguistic programming in the 90s when I left university, I still had a desire to learn. And I remember doing this course and going there every other weekend. And I was frightened about what I was gonna find out about myself. And in fact, this morning Ray, you would have found it really interesting. There was a lady on the clubhouse room, lovely lady. And she said that... She was really frightened of her greatness and she was really frightened of doing something about her health. And, you know, just to kind of stop and realize the experience of being you. Why do you think that can be a scary thing for people to really stop and look at yourself? What is it about that? Do you think that makes people I don't want to stop? I don't want to face the reality of what I'm doing. I mean, that's a big question. You are muted, I believe my friend. That's okay, I was just trying

 

Ray:

I

 

Pete Cohen:

to think.

 

Ray:

am, I am.

 

Pete Cohen:

I thought for a minute there, because I couldn't see your mouth, I just thought you were literally just like in deep thought. But yeah,

 

Ray:

No,

 

Pete Cohen:

go on.

 

Ray:

it's a great question. I think, let's look at how we make sense of the world. We've got this neck top computer that I call our brain, and we receive messages in a sensory realm. And the two primary ones, once we've gone through what I would call our infancy and our nurturing, tend to be what we see and hear. And the others are restricted to those people we commit to intimately in life. So it's really interesting to me, as a baby, it will latch on and it will need to have the touch of a mother and others. And it's interesting that if a baby is not touched, they sadly and tragically will die and they smell their environment. There's comfort in those three. But then there's a little bit of independence and then we survey the world around us. I would say that we are. very much fixed on translating information around us, which means that we end up joining ecosystems unintentionally just accepting whatever we're told. So for many people, if they're told this is the benchmark, then they say to themselves, I'm not good enough. And I love sport, we both love sport. And one of the greatest things for me is when I see someone who's had a bad season in their life, challenging season. and they're given the label loser or they failed. And then they overcome that and they have highs. And I can think of, I love the World Athletics Championship so I'm not gonna pick on any athlete, but I've watched some highlights here in the States where it's not valued as one of the key sports, but you can get access to it. And there were several athletes I've seen that have been around for a few years, one who's 30 years of age now and they just became a world champion for the second time. and all the odds against that. Someone else who failed in the last Olympics and then won their third world championships. Now, those people had to be intentional. And guys can look this up, I'm not gonna say the name, but the person who won the 100 meters, who's a 200 meter specialist, now he's doubled up, he shared in an interview in the States that it had been a nine month plan. Now all I hear was this was nine months of intention. Now that's at an elite level. I'm not asking us to think about running 100 meters, but that principle

 

Pete Cohen:

Hmm

 

Ray:

every day waking up, the magnificent seven peak, eating right, sleeping right, doing all the things this guy had to do to peak at this time is incredible. But actually guess what? We are all world champions without actually having to do a race. When we wake up, we are valuable, we are worthy. There's only us, the onliness. And if we could embrace that special nature, that would be wonderful. But that takes a journey inward first, because when we look outward, the world tells us we're not good enough. Here's the benchmark for beauty. Here's the benchmark for success, money, accoutrements of success. And I'm saying you can focus on those, but it's a really tough hill to go up.

 

Pete Cohen:

Well, I think it's one you're always going to come up short. And you, we, we again have spoken about this because you picked me up on things. When I, when I, you saw me do an Instagram post when I said about competing against yourself and you said, look, let's stop talking about it that way. Let's talk about being your own best friend, right? Learning to befriend yourself. And I, I personally, I like that analogy more than, you know, life is a competition. But I would say life is an athletic event. It's demanding something of us. And I think what you're alluding to, and I'm enjoying this thought around, hey, let's all decide to become intentionally stopping. Like 1% of our day, just 1% of just, okay, I'm gonna intentionally stop here, and I'm gonna, because the thing about when you talk about gratitude or exercising, people know about these things, but in many cases, it's... the reason for doing it. And I think if you're doing it because it's a tick box exercise, chances are you won't do it for very long. But if you're doing it because you wanna go inside, you wanna take time to be where you are, to be purposely intentional about the space that you put yourself in. And this is, it's such a deep conversation. But I want people to take a moment to think about this because I'm not the only one. in the world that was frightened to stop because thinking I wasn't good enough and then realizing that there is some insecurity there and there is some fear and also huge amounts of excitement and wanting to do great things. And it's what's below that, the beneath all of that. And I think that's the essence of who I really am, which is a loving, kind human being. And I think that's the essence of everybody. And it's only when we stop, we get to appreciate what we really, really have. And I know that it's, it's a difficulty in a world that's saying, Hey, you can't stop. You've got to keep going. You know, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to consume, you've got to keep looking at what's outside and then constantly compare yourself. So you feel less than, and then just get this cycle to continue, to continue, to continue, but I would love to find out what happens if more and more people consciously, intentionally. build some stops into their life, be curious about what they find out, not to judge, not to blame, not to criticize. Oh, that's interesting. Where's that come from? Why am I thinking about that? We spoke about this in the last podcast, but if you wanna do this with us, this is what we wanna do. We wanna build, we already have, more and more people that are consciously putting more stops in their life and seeing what happens as a result of that. What's your take on that, Ray?

 

Ray:

I love that Pete, thank you. It is about intention, but we're not pretending that intention is comfortable. Because to be intentional, you have to stop. And we've developed an acronym and stopping really suspend the outdated performance. So if you think about life, how many of you here you may have just done this, you update or your phone has an automatic update or your computer, even TVs.

 

Pete Cohen:

Mmm.

 

Ray:

routers or routers depending on what type place you are in the world. The question is do you update? And if you don't update but you've got technological peripheral items around you that you are obsessed about updating, isn't that crazy? Think about that for one moment, that

 

Pete Cohen:

Mm.

 

Ray:

peripheral technological items around you in your life, you must get updated. You may have an, I'm not going to mention any brands, you may have a phone that you update. I'm asking you to update

 

Pete Cohen:

haha

 

Ray:

and the way you update is to stop. Suspend, not telling you drop everything, suspend the outdated performance. Because phones that are outdated actually don't get on with their environment. You know, I own a Mac and if I don't update it, that Mac will then, because it's changing all the time, will really struggle in different environments. So if I'm doing a talk and I'm using particular, hardware with my computer, the software on my computer may not be translated unless it's updated. So I want us to think about that principle. That's just what, do I update? And we're suggesting, just a very, very gentle suggestion, that 1% of your day, 14 minutes and 24 seconds, is your update time.

 

Pete Cohen:

Yeah, I would love to know what happens as a result of you building that into your life. It's interesting you were when you were talking about the upgrades, my phone and my car, my car, I got a message from my car on my phone telling me that the car needs to update itself. And I honestly thought I haven't got time, which is ridiculous. You know, but it's and this is so important and it's such a such a crucial part. Again, talking about my coach, when he said to me years ago, you know, what's the nature of the mind and gave him an answer and he laughed. And he said, the nature of the mind is the mind is a trickster, you know, the mind can play tricks on you. How do you conquer your mind? Well, I think there are many ways to I don't know conquer is perhaps the wrong word, but how do you kind of get to be lighter and freer? and he would say humor, if you can find a bit of humor and we want you to explore, we look at Ray and I are we're explorers, we're just exploring, we love exploring, it's an adventure, we want you to explore. So who knows what you're going to find out. But whatever you find out, I'd say, look, it's okay. You're here, you've got to this point. Well done. Congratulations for getting to this point. It probably wasn't easy. But you've done well to listen to this podcast for 39 minutes, nearly 40 minutes. Well done. You know, there's something about you. But maybe some of this performance is just a little bit outdated. And it's time for something new. And we are asking you inviting you to build some stops into your life. Let us know what happens as a result of that. It might be challenging. What often people find when they build it in, they get good at it. And then when they get good at it, they then find that there's more time to appreciate, to be more focused, and just to do for life to be more fulfilling. So I'm sure we could carry on talking about this subject for a very long time, but I'm sure we can come, we will return to this. Ray, any kind of passing thoughts on today's topic of

 

Ray:

Yeah, I would encourage, there's a very famous TED talk by an individual called Simon Sinek, and he talks about the golden circles, and you prompted me to think about this, Pete. And he's just got these three circles, and he says typically, and he's talking about corporates. I've applied it consistently to individuals. But the first thing we do when we meet someone is, what's your name? And it's the what question. In your personal journey, we normally say, what do we need to get done? and it's the hurry sickness, it's all about the what, how am I gonna get it done? And you just find the most convenient way. But at the core of Simon Sinek's discourse is, why are you doing what you're doing? And that's what I would join what we're doing. We're going to that very simple principle, so I'd encourage anyone to go on YouTube, Simon Sinek, I believe, S-I-N-E-K, we want to be a facilitator of anyone out there that's saying great things. I'm certainly going to speak about them because I think it's a great resource. But what I would say to you, the way we segue into this is that we're asking you to stop to discover your why. Stop to discover your why. Because you will find it when you stop.

 

Pete Cohen:

Let us know how you get on with that. I've really, really enjoyed this conversation that we've had today, Ray. And I look forward to continuing this conversation. What's been happening in between these podcasts is we've had a few go out with some interviews with people. who live intentionally and that's something we want to continue to do. So you can listen to other people's stories and we're all in the story making business you know and if you watch the same film over and over and over again you'd probably get bored you know and I think a lot of people maybe are a little bit bored with their with their life because they just living on some sort of repeat and to be able to stop and be curious, put a big smile on your face. You know what we would love to be a part of your, the next phase, the next season of your life. This is a new season for me. Yes, Ray, I know you've got something to say. I see you put

 

Ray:

Yeah,

 

Pete Cohen:

your hand

 

Ray:

thank

 

Pete Cohen:

up

 

Ray:

you.

 

Pete Cohen:

there.

 

Ray:

You prompted me to something and I don't know how to share this. So I'm gonna try to do it with all the grace and sensitivity. But if there's anyone that's been listening to our podcast, who's finding themselves perhaps saying, keep talking about stop. When are we gonna move on from stop?

 

Pete Cohen:

Hehehehe

 

Ray:

You possibly could be one of our candidates to stop because it's that important. We're asking you 1%. And Pete, I think it'd be great. Can you just share, you're back in your studio today, but we've been doing podcasts for the last few weeks as you've been on your travels. I think it'd be just great to ask the question, A, share where you've been, but how did you find time to stop during that?

 

Pete Cohen:

Well, yeah, look, I've been traveling with my brother and his family, which has been amazing to stop because I've never spent so much time with him. You know, it's amazing since my wife passed away, which I still find very difficult and challenging. Being able to spend time with my brother is an absolute blessing. And with my nieces who are 17, 21, 24. and listen to them to stop and listen and appreciate who they are and their experience. And I've just come back after 18 days and being in the house it's also quite interesting that my father-in-law who is my wife's father obviously he's now leaving tomorrow and again it's another thing which is slightly challenging it's creating this space and you said before we went live about having faith you know having faith that the power of faith and it'd be great to do a podcast where we could do many on that subject. But to have faith that everything is just going to be okay. Everything's going to be better than okay. And I feel more ready to build more stops into my life than ever before because I really feel that it's the most important message that I can give the world. Let's stop and look at where we are. Let's stop at what we want to do and who we want to become. and let's work together. And we've only just got started with this Ray. And once again, I just wanna thank you for your time today. And I know that you've just started, you know, your new position as well. And you said to me that that's going well as well, right? You had a good day yesterday.

 

Ray:

I did great to meet new students, new energies. We loved it. Yeah, it was a good day.

 

Pete Cohen:

I can't wait to come one day and know that will happen in the future and just sit at the back and watch you do your thing, you know?

 

Ray:

Yeah, well, that will happen. It'd be great. It'd be a pleasure for you, for us, and for me, definitely to spend that time. I know we are planning a return for you, but I would say you mentioned something there, and I want everyone to hear what Pete is saying, is that he's coming back to a home that he shared with his dear wife Hannah and his father-in-law. His father-in-law is now moving. to be with his daughter, his other daughter, I guess.

 

Pete Cohen:

Yeah, I mean, and he's lived with us for eight years,

 

Ray:

Yes,

 

Pete Cohen:

you know, so

 

Ray:

but there's a

 

Pete Cohen:

that's

 

Ray:

transition.

 

Pete Cohen:

an end of an era.

 

Ray:

And he's probably, and I don't wanna get into it, but he's probably on his own journey, probably thinking he needs to give you room. But as Pete spoke earlier about trauma, he's managing a significant trauma, and at the moment, then he's in a home, and this will ask questions, and we're speaking about this, and just being very vulnerable here, Pete is having to spend stop time really understanding his why. You know, what does he wanna do? Because there's lots of solutions, but. The most important thing, and I've stressed this to you, Peter, as you know, is making sure you find the right why. Because that beautiful home you have is devoid of the person you made it beautiful with. And you've got to work that through. No one else can work that through with you. I can provide as much love and support as I can as others can, and I know do. But it's ultimately incremental steps to. wow, how do we do this? And if anyone's listening, and you know what that feels like, I don't wish to trigger anyone, but it is okay. When the unthinkable happens, it reminds me of Viktor Frankl, when you're intentional, when you find meaning, then you move forward. And I do believe that part of the bond I have with Ed Peat right now, and which will go on, is this principle of... How can we take an experience that on the face of it, people, the normal world of seeing and hearing say, well, whoa, that's bad news, and embrace it and infuse it with intentionality to not just honor the season, the time spent with Hannah, but also to show value for your ongoing legacy. And I think you're doing that with intention, but I know it's painful, but.

 

Pete Cohen:

It's, yeah,

 

Ray:

I applaud

 

Pete Cohen:

it's challenging.

 

Ray:

you for doing it. I applaud you for, you know, facing it and even broadcasting because you were the one that was encouraging me, Ray, let's do something together. And I was like a bit cautious and you did a Jedi mind trick on me. And I'm like, yeah, all in. And now, yeah, for the feedback I've got from people, you saw something that I didn't see at the time. And I thank you

 

Pete Cohen:

Hmm.

 

Ray:

for that.

 

Pete Cohen:

Yeah.

 

Ray:

I hope that makes sense.

 

Pete Cohen:

Well, we know make listen it makes, honestly, it makes absolute sense to me. I'm so glad that you said that as well. And I also want to dedicate this podcast today to Kerry White. So Kerry White was Dale White's partner and Dale. who is head of Suzuki, the company here in the UK and Ireland has been a dear friend to me. And he his wife was unwell for a very long time. And he was with her. And she passed away on the 19th three months to the day that Hannah passed away at 333. And he told me when she was dying and when Hannah was dying how we needed to come together, you know, because we want to help other people. And it's hard when someone passes away to stop and appreciate. And I've always thought this that, and this has been the hardest test actually, because when I think about my parents passing away, they didn't pass away that long ago, but I always think about what would they want? I always think about that. And it's obvious what they would want. They would want me to, my dad would say, do whatever makes you happy. My dad would always say that. And my mom would always say, you know, she was an interesting person. But she would say, or she'd say the same thing actually. And I know you said this to me the other day, how much you would love to have met my parents. But this is the biggest test. The biggest test is to do that with Hannah because Hannah would say the same thing. She'd say, enjoy your life. Don't dwell on me. Just get on with it, which was her motto. But that's the test to do that because of the circumstances of her passing away when she was 38, nearly 39 years old. And I know life is not, life isn't particularly easy and challenging, but it's a lot easier when you can find meaning, where you can find a why, you can be intentional and you can help and support others. So I can't wait for the day, Ray, when you actually meet Dale, because he is an exceptional leader and leads with love. And I'm looking forward to spending some time with him. And... But thank you so much for today. It's been truly, truly epic.

 

Ray:

Thank you, Pete, and a great reminder, and sending out my love, thoughts, and prayers to Dale and his family and his dear wife, Kerry. So that's such a poignant and perfect stop to today's

 

Pete Cohen:

Yeah,

 

Ray:

podcast.

 

Pete Cohen:

stop. And if you guys are triggered at all by what you're hearing in some way, shape or form, please reach out to us because like I've already said, we can point you in the right direction of different people that might be able to help you, but we appreciate you coming on the journey with us. Feel free to share the podcast and we will continue to put this content together for you. So thank you so much, Ray. Enjoy the rest of your day and happy mindful intentions.

 

Ray:

Thank you, Pete. Great session, thank you.