3 Oct, 2023

Pete Cohen:

We're here, we're live. Hello, Ray. Good day. We've fallen in. We've fallen in. It's the afternoon here. It's 12.35. It's 6.35, right? Where you are? 7.35 and that sun is coming up behind you, Ray. It is good to be here. I am so enjoying this journey that we're on. It's so much a part of my life at the moment. This kind of new season, new way of looking at the world. And I know the last two podcasts we've done have really captured a lot of people's attention and has encouraged more people just to stop and look at the experience of being themselves. Those last two podcasts have been about front stage. and backstage what's going on. And it was really interesting because more and more people are listening. And as you know, one of the people I work with is, he's a performer, an athlete. And when he's performing, we were talking about stoicism. And he was talking about how his ability to not react, because for years he would react and he would get really annoyed and frustrated. And he's realized through stopping. of what's really going on and I think that's quite a scary place sometimes to stop and realise what is going on which is part of the reason why I think a lot of people don't stop because they don't want to face their own kind of internal realities. What sort of feedback have you been getting from people? Yeah. Yeah, and we really appreciate people that have come on this journey with us. And actually tomorrow, by the time this podcast would have gone out, we already would have done our first LinkedIn audio together, where we're inviting people who listen to come along and share some of your experiences of stopping. And behind me, I just showed you this big stop sign that I've had made, which is just amazing. And when it arrived, it's a... It's a LED light, it's beautiful. And I unpacked it and turned it on and I just sat there and looked at it. And of course, when I was looking at it, I stopped. And I realized how much richer my life is because of stopping. I just came back from an event, I just told you there's a three day conference that I was gonna be speaking at. And I was there this morning and it was in a big, big room. There's no natural light in there. And I was sitting there and I was thinking. I don't really want to be here. I want to get away from here. I was really being aware of backstage. Backstage was shouting, get offstage. Go away from here. This is not an environment that is supporting you right now. Go. And then I immediately sent you a message because we were planning to do this later. I thought, you know what, Ray? I want to speak about what I want to speak about now because I'm so passionate and so excited about... creating space to stop where we can appreciate each other, where we can listen to each other, and we can really get to the essence of who we are. That stop to me represents so much, as you know, because I can talk about it with such enthusiasm that since the passing of my wife, I think the biggest takeaway without doubt is the power of stopping. Because I saw lots of people today who came up to me and said, Pete, I'm... So good to see you, how are you? Thank you for sharing your journey, I really appreciate it, how are you? I had to stop and answer the question to give people my total presence. And what I realized once again Ray is how everything is different because of the stop. But what fascinates me is why do we have to all wait for things to happen? that really challenge us, why can't we consciously create more stop moments in our life? And I wonder with you because, is it, are you similar to me in terms of some of your most profound? epiphanies your profound kind of wake up calls in life where you've had stop moments have they come through difficulties because I think there's something quite unique about you which maybe we can talk about but do you relate to that in any way Yeah, I like that. Hannah and I used to say that I'm feeling discombobulated. So, yeah. Yeah, I was also asking you because you are someone who I've got to know pretty well and I can tell that you consciously create the space for nothing. You create the space for stops, you create the space for praying, you create the space to be with your creator and I'm interested in how that helps you manage your backstage and helps you bring your best self into the world. But I suppose... Have you also had experiences in your life that have been difficult, challenging, that it's been stop moments? And those moments have been defining moments in your life. Yeah, it's kind of two massive questions I'm asking you. Yeah, I think that's one of the things I observe in you because when you get to know someone, when you get to spend real quality time with someone, you get to know who that person is. And I was talking to someone I'm coaching this morning about our relationship and how you'd said to me a couple of years ago, I really want to get to know you because we were talking about doing some work together. And I've mentioned this before on a podcast with you that I was thinking, why are you saying this? Don't we know each other enough? And yet what we've been through together, both of us, it's not just you being, I know you've been hugely important and inspirational to me with what's been going on. Well, since we met actually, but you know, over the last year with Hannah being sick and then passing away, but also me being there for you. We've really got to know each other. And I love your backstage. I love your backstage. I don't know exactly what goes on in your backstage. but I've spent enough time with you to see how you think. I see what you do, I've watched you, I've been in your house, I've seen how you move through the world. And it's all very well to talk what we do, but it's often the doing, right? Where you get to see what's really going on. And I've always been really curious. I'm one of the most curious people that I know about what's the experience like of being you. Trying not to judge. people just to accept people where they are. And I know that you've actually really helped me with this to make me realize one of the gifts that I have, which is to actually help people kind of just stop and look at life with a fresh pair of eyes, you know, and to see things differently because you stopped. And as my coach said to me, you know, this isn't about left and right and good and bad, it's about just looking at things from multiple different views and working out what's. a better view for your life. And I think it's very hard to do that if you don't stop. And I just really appreciate your backstage. I might not have the same, some of the ideas and the beliefs that you have, but I truly love how you move through the world. Come back on that one. Hmm. Mmm. Hmm Yeah, he was doing a rent-a-kill, wasn't he? Mm. I made a few notes there when you were saying that about, you asked me the question yesterday, what's the opposite of busy being busy? And feel free to let us know what you think the opposite of that might be. The whole thing of open to everything and attached to nothing. Whereas can you imagine how many people move through the world where they're not open to anything and they're attached to everything they have? I remember, I remember Raphael, my coach, saying to me once that happiness is wanting what you have. You know, so you're never coming from a place of like wanting more because what you have is enough. And, you know, I think in the power of this is what I was thinking about today. I was, I was in Brighton and I was looking out to the sea with the person I was talking to. And I said, I was thanking this person because he's been super kind and lovely. I said, you know what? I really appreciate you for everything you did. And I said, I've learned that to really appreciate I've got to stop. So if I look out to the sea. and I want to appreciate the sea. I can't appreciate the sea while I'm talking to you. It's impossible. I can't, I have to stop to appreciate. Stop to just, before I start anything. If you don't stop before you start, the chances are history is gonna repeat. And I think stop gives us the opportunity to do things differently. You know, very popular expression, lessons in life are repeated until they are learned. the same tests, maybe some people believe that, you know? But what I wanted to say to you, this was the epiphany I had today, that we live in a world that there is so much FOMO, this whole thing of fear of missing out. So if I stop, I'm missing out on something that I could be consuming. There's something there for me. And I've been a victim of that for sure. I don't want it, like today. today, you know, if I leave, what am I gonna miss out? I was at this conference, some of the most well-known speakers in the world of marketing and branding. It's like, but I know deep down, I've heard it all before. You know, I know that I could write some stuff down, but it's not gonna make any difference unless I decide to do anything about it. And I'm not in that season right now of wanting to actually do, I'm in the season of stopping. And I'm really, really... ever so curious around encouraging people to stop, just to stop. And like you say, a 1% investment on your stops. As Ray's family are going about their day, someone was just leaving there. So who was leaving the house? Hey guys. I can't wait to see you guys. So my plan is to come out there for Thanksgiving. We'll find a way to make it happen. I've never been in America for Thanksgiving and I wanna spend more time with you, Ray. I want to continue to grow. But I wanna ask you about that fear of missing out because how many people have heard of that? How many of you have experienced that? I'm missing out on something by not stopping. I've gotta be constantly on the go. you might even be resisting a little bit of what we're saying. We've already spent 20 minutes on this podcast. That's past 1% of your day. Let's put 2%, which is another eight minutes, right, of talking to you that maybe will inspire you to go out there and invest just 1% of your day into some form of stopping. What are your thoughts on that, right? It's all good. I can hear front door. happiness is wanting what you have. Mm-hmm. Mm. I think what's also interesting, and again this is where we would like to encourage more people to be intentional with stopping. So like most people have heard of the power of gratitude, right? I think practicing gratitude is an amazing thing. It's the energy of being thankful. That's what it means when you're grateful. You're thankful for something that has happened, something that you actually have. But to stop and do it, well... what would happen if you did it with a bit more intention? What impact would that actually have? If you've meditated for 14 minutes and 24 seconds, or even 14 seconds and you did it more intentionally, what would happen? What would be the byproduct of that? Or you've exercised, or whatever it is that you did where you're spending time with self. And I wanna just reiterate another point that you've made. for me which has really helped, which is about being my own best friend. You know, there's the space that I'm in now and I'm kind of almost forced into that, you know, because my wife was my best friend. So she's not here. So who's going to take the place of my wife? Well, I am, you know, and that's quite, that's quite strange to just really, I've actually done it before. I, you know, I lived on my own for many years, but it's something I'm committed to. I'm committed to stopping. I'm committed to creating a space for opportunities, space to love, space to appreciate. Because if I was with someone who's very well known here in the UK yesterday and we played golf together and I was listening to him, he's stopped for me in my life. He's been there for me. We're friends. I mean, the fact that he's on television is by the by. He's just a fantastic friend. And we were talking. He spent his life entertaining people, interviewing people, and we were talking about what's next. And I just listened to him. He was saying, I want to speak more. It's not about money. For him, it's about, he wants to share. So I was sharing some of the work we've done together about, well, Ben, who are you at your core? Who is that person? And what's the value that you bring to the world? And we talked about it. And then I said, would you like me to tell you... my thoughts, because you know, again, something we've discussed about, you know, you don't tell people, you, it's not if you know someone really well, you have a good relationship, I asked him, it's like Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow, said never give advice unless you ask if you can give it or people ask you, and I said you know what you're brilliant at doing, you are brilliant at making everyone feel valued and supported, you're the most authentic person, I, one of the most authentic people I've ever met. And one of the TV things he does is he will, there's someone on who's a game show, right? So that person might never be on television again. And he makes sure that person has an amazing experience. I said, that's who you are. To me, that's who you are at your core. You do that to everybody. What a message to give to the world. And we were talking about, he then said, oh, I remember my sister talking to me about the bench. you know, the bench of when you're dead and there's a plaque on the bench and what does the bench say? You know? And after a few hours, we talked about the bench would say his name and then national treasure. You know? And national treasure for those of you that live outside of the UK, we have a few people that we associate as national treasures because they gave something to people. They gave something of value. And I would imagine that everyone who listens to this is given 2% of your day to listen to what we're saying. You have something to give. You wanna learn. Surely you can get your head around, well, if I consciously created more time and space to stop. that could have a significant impact in my life, whether it was because I ended up being healthier, more grateful, more appreciative, more kinder, more loving. I don't know, what could happen? What do you reckon, Ray? Hmm. Hmm. So there you go, there's the challenge. When this podcast goes out, which will be probably in a week or two weeks time, I'll also create some content around this and ask people to come on a gratitude challenge with us. And I'll practice it. Let's see what happens if we practice something. What do we notice? What's different? Is it a good investment, you know, to invest 1% of your day or less, whatever you want to invest into actually... the emotion of gratitude. So you're not just writing these things down, you actually want to take a moment to think and to hear and to feel what it is that you're grateful for. And you'll be amazed when you start looking for it, then you start just finding it. You've just invested 2% of your day with this podcast, and I would encourage you to, you could be grateful for this, for the space that we have created, you, Ray, and me. Because you're listening, wherever you are in the world, you're the one, we know people listen to this all over the world, we are talking to you. We are actually talking to you. That's right, you. And you can contact us and see some of the other stuff that we're starting to create around what we're doing on LinkedIn. And who knows where else we'll be as we continue to encourage people to stop. So I wanna thank you Ray for your time today. I'm really pleased we made this happen. on this day. And on Friday, I'm going to Ireland and I'm going to be scattering some of my wife's ashes with one of her friends. And I know, I know that's gonna be challenging. Of course it is, but I'm gonna stop and really appreciate her again and people that she worked with when she lived there in Ireland and live in her memory and honor her. And you'll be with me, Ray. But thank you. That's okay. Well, we can break the rule. Alright. Yeah. And I think we'll finish on, if you reflect on what Ray has just said, and thank you for those words, that realization, those epiphanies, the waking up, it comes through stopping. And stopping on my own and being aware of that is hugely powerful. But when you get to be with other people, they're on similar mission, like you said, on mission, mission-minded, wow. It's amazing what can happen. And that's what will happen tomorrow, on Wednesday on LinkedIn. When we go live, there'll be people there that have been on this journey with us and we wanna learn from you. So Ray, the gratitude mission, the gratitude challenge can start for anyone as soon as they listen to this. Spend some time, go for 14 minutes, 24. Thank you, Ray. Have an incredible day. Thank you to everyone who's been listening. And we will see you the next time for another My365 podcast with myself and Dr. Ray. Take care, guys.