22 Feb, 2022#195 How to Think Greater than You Feel
“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” – Albert Einstein
A lot of people want to be a better version of themselves. But not a lot of people want to put in the effort that is needed to do so. We are who we choose to become. Who are you choosing to be? Let’s start talking about that.
In this episode, listen as I talk about how you can break the habits of being YOU, the bits that you want to improve or change.
✅ Thoughts are the language of the mind. Feelings are the language of the body.
✅ If you keep thinking the same thoughts, perform the same actions, living by the same experiences, you’ll just produce the same emotions.
Some important stories in the episode:
Do you feel that you are not in control of your life? Are you ready to live to your fullest potential?
You can take back control of your life. Join the Mi365’s Start One Stop One Challenge now
You’re going to get seven masterclasses plus a whole load of extras:
1. Who + Why + How = Success
2. Roles and Goals
3. Accountability Mastery
4. Habits 101
5. Maximise Responsibility
6. Thinking Your Way To Success
7. Grit And Resilience
I’m excited to help you be the person you want to become.
Click here to join! 👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼
Excited to hear your thoughts about this episode.
I help everyday people achieve their goals & dreams! Helping and coaching people in my expertise. And it is VERY satisfying to change people’s lives so they improve and change their health, finances, relationships, confidence, and mindset.
Connect With Me! Come join our free Pete Cohen Podcast Facebook Group:
Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/petecohen_/
About Pete Cohen: Pete Cohen is one of the world’s leading life coaches and keynote speakers. Hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world have been motivated and inspired by Pete’s presentations. He has professionally impacted the lives of thousands of people worldwide, including business executives, professional athletes, and everyday people. Pete focuses on the importance of closing the gap in our lives between where we are and where we want to be, both personally and professionally.
It’s then all about coaching you to remove the obstacles that are in your way and helping you install the habits of success.
Pete is the author of 20 published books, several of which have been best-sellers across the world, including Shut the Duck Up, Habit Busting, Life DIY, and Sort Your Life Out. He has also presented his own show on TV called The Coach and was the resident Life Coach on GMTV for 12 years.
Pete Cohen 0:08
Happy beautiful day. It's Pete Cohen. It's the Mi365 podcast today we're talking about Breaking the Habit of Being You. I'll see you after the theme tune.
Pete Cohen 0:46
Let's get ready to rumble.
Pete Cohen 0:50
A beautiful amazing, fantastic day. Thank you so much for being with us today. I'm so excited. You know something I want to know something before we get stuck in. You want to you want to know what I want to know. I want to know something I want to know who Yeah, who I said who? Yeah, that's right. I really, really, really want to know. Is it possible you could tell me please, can you tell me who you are? Tell me how you are.
Pete Cohen 1:37
So I actually have met Roger Daltrey, for those of you that don't know that is the band The who who were an amazing backlash still are they still around you know, they they definitely changed the game. They definitely reinvented themselves. They got into movies, but they were inspired massively inspired by The Beatles, actually. Because the Beatles they also reinvented themselves they didn't stay the way that they were. And when we're talking about breaking the habit of being you this is a subject that I'm deeply passionate about. And when I meet people, whoever they are, I love to, I love to talk to them. I love to find out what they're passionate about. I love to find out what people really are inspired about. I love to hear people's backstory of course it's there's nothing better than hearing someone's story because what you seem to see is some incredible patents in people's lives. And in many cases, what people have overcome. I think it's really fascinating when you actually stop and you take a moment to realize just how amazing people are. Like for all of you that have listened to this podcast, you know, we've been podcasting for six years we've got over 400 episodes. And I wonder how many of you have listened to some of these episodes and you really get a sense of who we are. Who we are in terms of mine 365 You know what we do what what is our business all about? Well, it is all about you. It's all about you and really giving you a different perspective of the possibilities that exist, and different perspectives of why you are the right the way that you are. And it's fascinating because when you look at human beings, which I've spent my life, you know doing I am a performance coach, I'm all about performance. How are you performing? What is the experience, like, have you right now? And these are questions which I understand a lot of people don't ask those questions. Isn't it fascinating? Imagine as if you were a child if more people asked you, how do you feel about where you are right now? And we were able to express ourselves in a way where we could actually be honest about how we were feeling right at that moment in time. What impact do you think that that would have had? Now of course, we might have been opening up Pandora's box but in many cases we would have given children the opportunity to express the fact that they were in pain, or they were experiencing some form of trauma. You know, I don't know about you, but as a child I really struggled. You know, I really massively struggled with huge insecurities, but no one really knew that you know, no one really understood the experience of being me. I was just trying to make the most of that experience. That's who I was being and I thought, who I was being was who I thought I always had to be. I didn't realize I could reinvent myself. I didn't realize I didn't have to think the way I thought I didn't realize I had to keep talking to myself in the same way I didn't know that. I thought the way I was was who I was, and that was it. You know, I could change but I thought my personality was set in stone. I don't know about you, but I now think that that's all nonsense. I really do. I really believe our personality is the person believe it or not that we are choosing to be so when we say who are you? Well, you know
Pete Cohen 5:04
I mean, who are you seriously? I mean who I mean, who are we? I think we are who we are choosing to become and history is full of examples of people who have chosen to become more than who they currently are. People who have decided to play a different game. But you know human beings we are fascinating. There's no question about it. We are very, very predictable. And we love to be accepted. So we form ourselves, we become parts of groups, and then we play a certain role. And then if you're in that group, and then you decide to change, you can imagine that immediately a lot of other people who are a product of your environment will immediately be threatened by the fact that you want to change. And that's why I asked the question, you know, how do you feel about where you are right now? Let's just be honest. How do you feel how do you feel about where you asked what my coach used to say to me all the time? It used to I find it a very difficult question. You know, I was reading about some studies recently that people would prefer an electric shock than rather than sitting on their own and being in their own thoughts. Not fascinating. But when we really look beneath that little bit of discomfort that we might have of being in our own space, and really asking ourselves some deep fundamental questions, because as a performance coach, which I am, that's what I do. I ask questions, you know, what do you want? What actually D one? And many of you know, having worked with lots of athletes, great athletes, one of the biggest question, well, the question is, what do you want and most of these athletes who they are right now, that is not going to be the person that gets them the results they're looking for. It is not that person. And most people try to create a new personal reality with the same personality. And it's fascinating to me because I don't know if you all agree with this, but how people want to put themselves in the box. This is me. This is the type of person that I am. And I'm personally I'm not a fan of a lot of these personality tests. I think a lot of them are based on what some people might call pseudo science. You know, a lot of people will say your personality is set in the first seven years of your life. Really, really? Is that really true? Well, they might be true to you. It's definitely not true to me. I think you might have personality traits. You know, yesterday was a public holiday. It was Martin Luther King Day. What a great day that everyone stops. You know, he had to become someone completely different to the person that he was. He was a very shy man. He didn't want to be in the position. But when he realized that he was being called to it by other people, and he probably spent a lot of time in deep reflection, he decided I'm going to be that person. But what's amazing about him is how much he was inspired by Gandhi. Who chose the path that Martin Luther King chose the path Well, you say Least Resistance, maybe the path, the path of most resistance. Imagine the resistance that they both have
Unknown Speaker 8:20
Pete Cohen 8:22
exercising peace in the face of violence. See, it's very easy for human beings just to accept where they are and think that that's it. And that's what happens to most people. They actually get to a point and they think that's it that there's nothing more I can't, this is me. This is just how I am and that's fine. But what do you have a yearning for? What honestly, what do you have a yearning for? What is it that you want to do? What is it you want to achieve? So let me just say this again, most people try to create a new personality, a new personal reality with the same personality but it never works. We have to become someone else. If you keep thinking the same thoughts, performing the same actions, living by the same experiences you just produce the same emotions. It's fascinating. I'm, I was reading something by Dr. Joe Dispenza. Many of you have come across him. I came across Dr. Joe Dispenza. In the 90s from seeing the film, What the Bleep Do We Know? And I remember reading him saying that by the time we're 35 years old, 95% of who we are is a memorized set of habits, thoughts, feelings, beliefs. And even if that is true, right, which I believe actually it is, by the time we get to, like 35 years old that this is me, this is me. But then if there's a 5% of you, that goes, You know what? I don't want to change I want to sorry, I do want to change I'm, I'm not happy about this. You're going up against 95% of you that wants you to stay where you are that thinks that's who you are. Fascinating. See, in neuroscience, we know that nerve cells that that basically fire together, they wire together. And if we keep repeating the same states of mind and body over and over and over again, your brain fires in the same sequences. This is what this is what we call combinations. And when you make your brain work in a certain way, that's what that's what the mind is. Your mind is your brain in action. And I think it's fascinating when we look at the signature of who we think we are. It's fascinating, actually, when you see people change. And one of the things I've observed over the last few months is the people that we work with people that have really embraced the work that we do when we launched this 30 Day Kickstart program. We launched that specifically to apply the science of future self thinking. That's why we launched it and we and we we had over 8000 people do it with our 2.8% of people. Complete the program. You know, why would anyone start a program and not finish it? I think there's a few reasons for that. You know, 30 days is a big commitment for a lot of people, but they don't identify with someone who's finished the program. They identify with who they think they are. It's fascinating that every single day we wake up and we literally just go into autopilot, the same environment, we do the same things and then we expect the same results. And many of many people know that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over again and expecting the same result. So if you want to break the habit of being yourself, it is important to look at the habits that you currently have and not to necessarily label them but just to realize you're doing the best that you can you see every single time you have a thought you make a chemical, and obviously great thoughts. Well, what do you think happens? It's fascinating to me, this is the stuff I'm so passionate about after all these years is to still after 30 over 30 years of working with people as a performance coach. Helping them get the results that they want to still be as amazed by what is the experience of being you and we know that let's say you had a thought of I'm amazing. You know I'm fantastic. I can do this. You know what happens is you basically turn on a set of circuits that gives you a very specific sequence pattern or combination that then produces that then gets another part of your brain to then produce chemicals that are known as emotions that you then begin to feel exactly what you're thinking. Isn't that amazing? Thank you think that's fascinating that you could have a thought. And the moment you begin to feel something it's because you've done something with your brain. You want to think positively that this is the thing, and this is what I really just want to give you a different perspective of
Pete Cohen 13:13
thoughts are the language of the mind. Feelings are the language of the body. So if you do want to change so let me just ask you, where are you right now? Would you like to be healthier? Would you like more energy if all you have to do is tell me how many of you say Pete yet please give that to me. Brilliant. How about your relationships? Do you like better relationships with others? A better relationship with yourself. So you didn't procrastinate. You didn't give yourself a hard time. How many of you would like to do earn more money or to do something that is more fulfilling to you? I would imagine that most people would want improvement in one or two or all of those areas, especially if they didn't have to do anything. But how many of you would go no, no, I do want to I do want those things, but I don't want you to do it for me. I want to do it. Now if you're that person you're the type of person I want to work with. If you have that desire to own your own transformation, then hey, come knock on my door because I'd love to be someone in your corner. That's basically
Unknown Speaker 14:19
let's get ready to rumble.
Pete Cohen 14:22
Get ready to rumble as we go out and create and do the most amazing thing that you'll ever do in your life. You know, but if you want to try and do this on your own mind, mind, mind. Mind for those of you that don't know that is a public service announcement from the embankment Tube Station in London where there's a big gap between you stepping onto the tube and the platform. And if you're not careful, you could put your foot in there and it's very easy for us to put our foot into where we've been before and if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. The question really is for me is where will you be this time next year? Chances are you'll be in a very, very similar place unless we decide to break the habits of being ourselves. That's what I've seen and what I'm seeing right now with so many of the people I'm working with is just this beauty. This incredible where people have decided to apply the science of future self thinking. And future self thinking really is where everything we do is for our future everything you know, even if people have had really traumatic periods in their life experiences, we're still driven by what's in front of us. But what is in front of you right now what's in front of you. Who will you be tonight? Tonight, Matthew, I will be sorry that's like that stars in your eyes program and then that person becomes tonight Matthew I'm going to be George Michael and then that person becomes George Michael. And you think that they're George Michael if they're any good, right? But they think they are doesn't matter what you think. I think therefore I am is Socrates said the most important thing is to get to know thyself. But then, if people would rather an electric shock then spending a bit of time on their own.
Unknown Speaker 16:14
what hope is there?
Pete Cohen 16:18
See, I don't know about you, but I think COVID is definitely sending some very clear messages to me around Well, who do I need to be on the back of this? What do I want the legacy of this to be? See the science of future self thinking is is so awesome because basically it it really shows us where our future is. Where is your future? Well, if you if I said point to your future right now, long as you're not driving point to your future, how many of you will point in front of you? See the only reason we have a body is that our mind can get our bodies to to move. That's the only reason we have a body the body is only designed to move. Where is it moving to? Where does it want to go? Where does your brain want your mind to go? And if you say where do you Where did where did your brain want your mind to go? Where do you want your mind to go? I mean, who's controlling you? Are you your mind? Are you more than your mind?
Pete Cohen 17:16
Who's operating you? See once you can start to see the experience of being you is something that you actually have control over and you don't have to be who you thought you were. You could actually change but that starts off with stepping back. And just being curious can Ooh, this is interested, even being fascinated. You know, we talk about this word. You know Curiosity is brilliant being curious, but what if you were fascinated about the experience of being you and you weren't going to label it right or wrong or good or bad. You're just going to be really curious and fascinated about that's interesting. Because if I said to you, hey, tell me what you're doing tonight. How many of you know what I'm doing tonight? I said tell me what you're doing tomorrow. How many of you know that you know who you are tomorrow. You know if I said who are you yesterday? Who were you last week? Who were you when you're on your last holiday? Now you might have to think hard about that. But if I said Who will you be in a month's time? Do you know who that person is? About you next year. Who's that? And that's where it gets to get interesting because most people don't have a relationship to their future self that expands beyond a month. It becomes hazy. And we see this in experiments where people are asked to think about themselves and think about a stranger and think about themselves in the future. And we haven't evolved to think about retirement. You know, we haven't we evolved we these parts of these ancient parts of our brain are still here, where we're just in survival mode, looking out for threats looking out for danger looking out for not being found out. That's why public speaking it's one of the biggest fears in the world because people don't want to be found out. They only found out about the experience of being themselves just trying to fit in. You know, rejection is one of the most painful emotions that human beings experience. Why do we feel rejection or some of the theories around that is reject rejection is a feeling you want to feel that because if you were going to get rejected from being in a, in a group that was living in wherever you were living in the jungles or living in caves, you wouldn't survive on your own. So you've got to fit in. But you're fitting into what how do you feel about where you are right now? Is it not time for us to maybe look at the world differently, look at ourselves differently and make the decision of who do we actually choose to become because to break the habit of being you I think is to look at where you are right now. And maybe there's things that need to be addressed. Maybe there's conversations you need to have maybe you need to talk to someone so you can get it out what's in so you can look at it differently. Maybe it's like a fart, you know, maybe you want to you want to get it out because it's Better out than in but being able to do that in a way that you can make more sense of it and maybe work with someone over time. But as a performance coach and what we do at Mi365 We're just we're all we're interested in is game changes, superheroes, people who want to change the world. People don't want to help others. You see the word heroes. They're compared? They are their protectors of other people. Let me just play you a few of these people that recently we just put this together. These are just a few people just saying what they've started to achieve and how they start to see their future self. That's not it. One second. This is happening in real time
Unknown Speaker 20:47
was something that kept me accountable to that and made me actually go out and take the action. Well, definitely more confidence, less fear, more organization, more structure, and I you know, I love what, you know, you're in what Pete says every day about writing the book of your life and being the author and I'm really understanding that now. So I'm understanding that every single day is is an opportunity to wake up and write another page of my life. And yeah, I guess I'm just more serious about my goals and my dreams in my life now because I now understand what it really takes and what it really is about because of MVC five,
Unknown Speaker 21:21
getting associated with Teach was brilliant, wonderful opportunity for me because I don't think I understood the importance of having a life coach before this sort of makes you realize that this is something that I need to do just to take my life forward in terms of wherever I want to put with health or relationships or work. The most important thing that I would say to anybody is do this program to understand
Pete Cohen 21:44
that so what this lady is referring to is the 30 day program that we created, and it's amazing having testimonials. I learned this in my 20s from one of my mentors, it just said start collecting success stories. So I started that 32 years ago, and I've got so many testimonials from people because I want them to speak a lot louder than me. Because I'm in the story making business. What about you? You're in the story making business. You're creating a story right now you're listening to this. You're giving me your attention. I don't know how much of your attention I actually have. But we have this incredible opportunity and there's credible possibilities that exist for all of us. But the sad reality for most people is they are living a future that they don't want. Most people will come to the end of their life and they will regret and they will think you know what? I really could have done things differently. I've seen this with so many people in my life. But that's not something I want. And you know what, what I want for you is just a wake up and realize that you don't have to be who you are. If you're happy with who you are right now, this is a really interesting question. I mean, it's important to start off and realize Look, you're great way you are. This is where you are let's start from a position of strength that start from a position of gain, not as a position of, there's something wrong with me. There's something wrong with all of us. It's just called being a human being. We don't live forever. But the clock is ticking. And I'm asking you who do you actually really, really want to be? I want to just share a little bit of what Daniel Gilbert talks about. So Daniel Gilbert has given he's a researcher out of Harvard. He's given a couple of amazing TED Talks. And this is the real point that I wanted to make when we talk about breaking the habit of being you, we can look at all of our habits and we can say this is a bad habit. This is a good habit. I just say they are what you do. You have done the best that you can to get to this point, this is where you are, but what do you want to do with where you are? And as he says, most people massively underestimate what they've already done. If all of you in this room just took a moment and thought about everything that you have done. This got you to this point. You probably wake up to the fact of wow, look at the things I've done. And I don't know the things that come to mind, first of all, but for me, it isn't about the success I've had with with the books and TV shows and all of those. That's not the first thing it's the first things that come to mind for me is being there for people being there for both of my parents, when they were both dying, being there with them and that right to the end, seeing my mum take her last breath holding her hand being there with her being there with my wife when she was extremely ill and no one could look after her. I don't think she'd be alive if it wasn't for me. Now, it's not that I'm trying to make out that I'm great. I just know that that was a great thing that I did. And all the other things that good, you know, but they're not as impactful. What about you what have you already done in your life? Because life is definitely not easy, but it's easier when you're inspired about what is in front of you. And I remember as a child always being excited about what I could do. You know, I could play football I could do all of these things. I I could stand up and muck about listening to music or all these things I could do. But what Daniel Gilbert talks about is how much we underestimate what we've done. And even when we wake up to the fact because so much of what we've done we didn't do it consciously. We just did it because that's what we had to do. But what if you consciously decided to go out and create what could you do now? Let's listen to what he says. Because, for me, this is absolutely fascinating
Unknown Speaker 25:53
with the ease of remembering versus the difficulty of imagining most of us can remember who we were 10 years ago, but we find it hard to imagine who we're going to be and then we mistakenly think that because it's hard to imagine, it's not likely to happen. Sorry when people say I can't imagine that. They're usually talking about their own lack of imagination, and not about the unlikelihood of the event that they're describing. The bottom line is, time is a powerful force it transforms our preferences, it reshapes our values, it alters our personalities. We seem to appreciate this fact, but only in retrospect only when we look backwards. Do we realize how much change happens in a decade. It's as if for most of us, the present is a magic time. It's a watershed on the timeline. It's the moment at which we finally become ourselves. Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they're finished. The person you are right now is as transient as fleeting and as temporary as all the people you've ever been. The one constant in our life is change. Thank you.
Pete Cohen 27:06
I mean, if you haven't watched that TED talk, please watch it. Human beings. We are works in progress. And we mistakenly we think we're finished we think this is it. I've arrived. And that's why maybe Dr. Joe Dispenza is right, you know when we're 35 years old 95% of who we are just to condition set of responses, you know, and then when you start thoughts, feelings, actions, beliefs, as soon as you start to change, there's probably a part of you that's going to go That's what are you doing? That's not me. You see if you're driven, which most people are by pain by diagnosis and prognosis disease that gets people to act. It's it's good because it can get you so far, but what's going to get you further isn't that energy of inspiration of going and chipping away and building a better you? What will be your greatest achievement? What I'm seeing now more and more from the people that I work with? Is this one of them said said yesterday in a coaching session that we do. She said something so profound to me. She said, I don't want to I don't know whether she realizes just how profound it was. Because basically what she was saying is that she stopped playing the game of just trying to be a little bit better. Just trying to like, you know, I'm going to try and be me tomorrow. I'm going to try and be me today. No, no, no, she's playing a much bigger game. She knows who she's going to be in five years time. And that's the person that she is becoming every day just chipping away, bringing her in she knows the intentions that have to be put into place. She knows that these are non negotiables because if I don't do these things, then that thing will never ever, ever happen. Rather than living life by hope, living life and not not that hope is necessarily a bad thing, but just kind of wishing it's making a life by decision. To go out there and pursue however you want to put this and I'm genuinely looking for people who want to hunt their future self down, who want to pursue however you're Chase or follow it's up to you. But I'd love to know what do you want to do? Seriously, tell me do you want to do you want to form a relationship with the person that you want to be in the future and then literally just go out and hunt that person down? become that person. Maybe you don't want to hunt that person, Chase follow, be guided, mentored by that person. Just imagine literally that your future self was calling you up because he is calling you up every single day. I just don't know whether I don't know whether you pick up the phone. Seriously, the phone's ringing Are you going to pick it up? Is anyone gonna pick that up? Is anyone going to pick it up? Hello. Hello someone pick up the phone, please. Hello? Hello. It's your future self. Hello. Hello. Hello. Who's that? It's your future self. Pete. How you doing? Well. Yeah Pete. This is your future self. Is me is the person that you could become in five years time? The P I've been watching you recently and I'm actually just observing that you really are getting a little bit complacent with a few things you kind of spreading yourself too thin. P it is so important to decide to become me. Because if you decide to become me, you know how you're going to feel when you get here. P I want you to listen to this. Maybe this will give you a slightly different perspective. I want p I want you to listen to Matthew McConaughey. His Oscar winning speech just listen to this P
Unknown Speaker 30:55
and to my hero. That's who I chase. Now when I was 15 years old, at a very important person, my life come to me and say who's your hero? And I said I'm not gonna think about that. Give me a couple of weeks. I come back two weeks later, this person comes up says who's your hero? I said I thought about it. You know who it is. I said it's me in 10 years. So I turned 2510 years later that same person comes bingo so you're a hero and I was like, not even close. No, no. She said why? I said because my heroes me at 35 So you see every day every week every month and every year my life my heroes always 10 years away. I'm never going to be my hero. I'm not going to pain that I know I'm not and that's just fine with me because that keeps me with somebody to keep on Chase. So if any of us whatever those things are, whatever it is we look up to whatever it is we look forward to and whoever it is we're chasing to that I say amen. to that. I say all right. All right. All right.
Pete Cohen 31:52
So Pete, I really hope you really understand what I'm about. I've been calling you. I've been talking to you but you haven't been listening. Now is the time to listen to pay attention. Because if you don't make the decision to become me, you're going to become who you are right now. And I promise you if you stay the way that you are and you carry on with a habit of being who you are, you will get to a place one day and you will regret it. Now is the time to decide like never before who you want to be. I can guide you. I can support you, but I can't do it for you. What Got You Here P is not going to get you there. Are you ready to be the change that you want to see in the world? Yes. Well, let's do this. Not now. But right now. What about you? I'm ready. You know, this is why we launched the start one stop one program is really giving people an opportunity to go out and pursue the person that they want to become. Because a great life it doesn't happen just by chance it happens by design.
Pete Cohen 33:26
So who are you? Or maybe I should speak to Roger Daltrey will change the words. Who are you becoming? Who are it doesn't work, who are you becoming to you? And I would love to know, I'd love to know who you're choosing to become how we can help you because there's no question about it. Once you decide who that person is. There's something called work there's something that's going to happen to help you fill in the gaps between where you are and where you want to be. There's certain intentions every day. What are your intentions today? everyone that's listening to this, what are your intentions today? And are you going to bring those intentions into play? Are you going to do what you say you're going to do? Because what would happen if you did? What would happen if you did? And you did it today and tomorrow, and the next year? I'll tell you what the built the world better watch out because you're about to change the world. And that's everything that we do as a business everything we do. In Mi365 is designed specifically to my intentions now delivered. Let's get your mind right. Let's get your mind focused on the person that you want to become. And let's help you and support you every single day. Let's stop being victims of our past and let's be creators of our futures. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. I really appreciate you and I'm excited to serve you as you become unrecognizable to the person that you were before. Thanks for listening.